Thursday, November 17, 2011

Funky

I've been in a serious funk lately.

I'm beating myself up more than usual for stupid things, I'm misconstruing innocuous comments and ignored texts, I'm ignoring my blog for fear of inferiority, and I'm disassociating a lot more frequently.  Usually for me this indicates that something is awry.

I'm usually pretty good at introspection but this one has just been dragging me down.  I think it's partially the weather--I went from sun every day in Arizona to the dismal grey Maine November--and I have a long history of dealing with Seasonal Affective Disorder.

But the biggest part of it, and Rob agrees with me on this, is that I went from stressing myself sick for a month to absolutely no stress at all.  I have nothing to worry about, nothing to dread.

I find it disheartening that my whole life is so dependent on stress and worry that their absence causes me to be even more depressed than when I'm stressed.  How did that happen?  How did I let anxiety and depression come to rule my life so thoroughly?

To combat the sluggishness Rob has been pushing me to get out and do fun things together.  Earlier this week we saw "Paranormal Activity 3" (pretty decent) and "In Time" (horrible) in the movie theater, tried some new dinner choices, spontaneously baked frittatas, and we're going out for a late lunch-early dinner at our local gelato place in forty-five minutes or so.

I'm so lucky to have someone who understands me and who is willing to help me get through these slow periods.

I think I just need these little reminders that the majority of life is in the waiting--waiting for the next big moment, waiting for the next big change--and to enjoy that for what it is.  I'm never going to get this fun, young, spontaneous time back.

How has your week been?

13 comments:

  1. I've been having a weird week too. I have been having a bad people week. Everyday it seems that there is one table with one customer that just gets on my nerves. But since I'm a waitress I can't spend the whole day sulking or biting people's heads off. So it just stirs and boils inside me till I get home and I take it out on my boyfriend. I hope nest week is better for everyone!

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  2. I deal with a lot of anxiety issues and my fibro drives me pretty crazy mentally and physically. S.A.D. effects so many people here in New England and we are all so grouchy with our lack of vitamin D.
    Going bowling tonight to hopefully raise my average!

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  3. i deal with stress horribly and i usually end up having a huge meltdown or anxiety attack as a result. little things that help me? going for a run or a workout, talking to eric, baking, or getting lost in a good book. hope this doesn't sound too cliche, because these things really do help me!

    i hope your funk passes and you feel better soon!

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  4. Awe I'm sorry! Recently my back/neck has been killing me and every morning I wake up hurting a lot & I think it is partly related to stress! I don't know why I worry about the things I do because it doesn't matter & I have so much to be grateful for ! It's even making my left arm numb/tingly/asleep since Saturday. Has that ever happened to you? I hope the gelato is good! :)

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  5. I know just how you feel. I think we get so stuck in those feelings that when we aren't feeling them we almost view it as a calm before the storm, proof that it's building to something even bigger and worse.
    You're right, you'll never get this time back... so live for the right now! Or try to, at least. =]
    Hope you find some peace and happiness in the little things tonight!

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  6. Sometimes when I'm feeling like that for more than a day I wish I didn't care about myself so I could become a drug addict or something. I know it's horrible but it's like...wouldn't it be nice to be able to take a pill or something and feel amazing? haha Maybe I shouldn't put that on the internet. Woops, too late.

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  7. I wish I could give you a big hug and make you a cup of tea!! I'm having one of those weeks,too: both kids were sick and now I'm feeling under the weather, Shawn is away for work, I'm on call, and I'm just plain tired. Pushing through until vacation next week and reminding myself to see the beauty in the little things, like Brees using my shirt as her Kleenex:) Feel better friend, the weekend's almost here and that always brings goodness!!

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  8. hope things pick up again for you...it sounds like you have a keeper!

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  9. I know sometimes it's hard to get out of those funks. It always helps me if I have a project, like a fun at-home DIY or home improvement project just to get my mind off things and create something. I know I'm kind of a project junkie but maybe it could help you!

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  10. He sounds like a sweet guy and you sound like a super fun lady:0) hey, don't feel bad, it's all of us! I feel like we are all sensing the need to change or the coming of a change. Just relax...enjoy this moment for the beauty that it holds in all of its..blah:) Rest up for the change or the new direction you'll be sent in. That's what I'm trying to do

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  11. I can completely relate. You can usually tell when I'm in a funk when I disappear from the Internet, like I have been the past 3 days. I hope you start to feel better soon, pretty.

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  12. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL HERE. I felt the exact same way (as you may remember) after my month in the sun for a good 6 weeks. I learned about something just the other day thanks to another blogger called reverse culture shock which described my emotions SPOT ON. From your post, sounds like you've got a small case of it going on too.

    Anyways, I know how crap it is to not feel like yourself, so if you ever just need to vent/complain/etc just send me an e-mail! I'll be happy to listen and offer you some advice on how I dealt with life in the last 2 months.

    Hope you're feeling better soooooon. <3

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  13. I'm just getting caught up with bloggy reading, but I wanted to let you know that I completely understand how you've been feeling lately. I go through ebbs and flows too where I become a hermit and just don't want to/feel like I can't deal with other people. My husband is wonderful when I'm able to communicate how I'm feeling to him and it sounds like you have that same sort of support system, which I think is what people like us definitely need.

    Anyway, that's my two cents! Just take time for yourself and work through the rough patches.

    It always gets better :)
    Dani

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