I've been in a serious funk lately.
I'm beating myself up more than usual for stupid things, I'm misconstruing innocuous comments and ignored texts, I'm ignoring my blog for fear of inferiority, and I'm disassociating a lot more frequently. Usually for me this indicates that something is awry.
I'm usually pretty good at introspection but this one has just been dragging me down. I think it's partially the weather--I went from sun every day in Arizona to the dismal grey Maine November--and I have a long history of dealing with Seasonal Affective Disorder.
But the biggest part of it, and Rob agrees with me on this, is that I went from stressing myself sick for a month to absolutely no stress at all. I have nothing to worry about, nothing to dread.
I find it disheartening that my whole life is so dependent on stress and worry that their absence causes me to be even more depressed than when I'm stressed. How did that happen? How did I let anxiety and depression come to rule my life so thoroughly?
To combat the sluggishness Rob has been pushing me to get out and do fun things together. Earlier this week we saw "Paranormal Activity 3" (pretty decent) and "In Time" (horrible) in the movie theater, tried some new dinner choices, spontaneously baked frittatas, and we're going out for a late lunch-early dinner at our local gelato place in forty-five minutes or so.
I'm so lucky to have someone who understands me and who is willing to help me get through these slow periods.
I think I just need these little reminders that the majority of life is in the waiting--waiting for the next big moment, waiting for the next big change--and to enjoy that for what it is. I'm never going to get this fun, young, spontaneous time back.
How has your week been?