Some Letters I've been Meaning to Write III

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Hangover 2,

You were a huge disappointment.  The great thing about the original Hangover was the subtlety of Zach Galifnakis's character. In this movie I felt like his character--and jokes--were being slapped against my head like a fish.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Mythbusters,

Just...keep doing what you're doing.  Thanks.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear My Brain,

Could we stop with the endlessly dissecting social interaction, both online and off?  You're treating the blog world like you dealt with high school, and high school was miserable. I can't believe I'm actually concerning myself more with what people online or offline say/think/do than, say, how lucky I am, or what a nice day it is.  Priorities, brain, please.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Body,

I'm far too hard on you, I know that.  But can we start showing some results from 6 months of gym?  I'm starting to get disheartened.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Birds Outside Our Window,

I understand the whole 'catch the worm' thing, but 4:30 a.m.? Really? Is it bird convention time?  Are you all screaming obscenities to each other, or to me?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Cypress,

I know that with spring come lots of rotting deliciousness left over from the frozen winter, but every time you roll so indulgently in said rotten deliciousness you get in trouble and get a bath, which you hate. I'm not sure you've heard of this quote, because you're a dog, but Albert Einstein famously said, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Please find a more civilized and more fulfilling hobby, like stamp collecting or knife throwing.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Maine,

Thank you for heeding my frequent requests for nicer weather. I am loving the 80 degree days and bright, sunny skies...and even the thunderstorms.  But you can keep the mosquitoes...they were not part of the agreement.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Old Men in the Gym,

Rob and I are starting to think that your wives and doctors force you to go to the gym, but you don't really want to, and that's why you spend about 80% of the time standing in the main thoroughfare chatting about spruce trees.  I know you punctuate these conversations with a set of 3 5-lb bicep curls, but could you please move to the locker room or, you know, a coffee shop or something?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Parents at the Gym,

I can understand that with children it's hard to find time to go to the gym, but I really cannot excuse allowing your two-year-old to climb on the machines while you work out on other machines.  There are WEIGHTS and PEOPLE WALKING AROUND. Either bring your kid in the morning when there is free childcare, stay at home and buy some weights, or have your kid stay in the big open area with kids' toys and other funnery.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Love,

Caitlin

xoxo