Things that Make me Jealous

I've always been a bit of a jealous person.

This makes sense when you consider that most jealousy is routed in insecurity, and we all know that I have an insecurity hoard big enough to get me through even the most confident of winters. #torturedmetaphor

Below I'd like to share with you a few the things that make me feel the most jealous.  They are petty and they are stupid. I know I'll probably get some side-eye for being all blog negative or letting my negativity overcome my very soul, but whatever. We all feel it from time to time, might as well own that shit.

And of course file it squarely in the "First World Problems" file.

THIS IS MY JEALOUS FACE

I am jealous of:

1. Tall girls. Specifically of their ability to wear normal t-shirts and still look feminine in them.  My friend Amie typically buys men's or boy's t-shirts and always looks super cute with them.  On my short-ass frame (short ass-frame?) I drown in them; the short hair only compounds the "tiny boy in his father's shirt" look I seem to pull off so well.

2. People who wear objectively ridiculous clothes and still look amazing. You know who you are, and I want the secret. I somehow have the opposite talent of wearing objectively reasonable clothes and still looking ridiculous.

3. Really, really funny people. You know when you read a blog or a book and someone is just objectively hilarious without even really trying?  That. I know, I know, lots of work goes into creating good content blah de derp. But realistically, being funny to some extent is natural talent beautifully coupled with emotional baggage, and though I'm well-versed in one I am quite lacking in the other.

4.  People who can eat wheat. Wah wah.

5. People who have met Conan O'Brien. It is a well-known fact in the land inside my head that I have a pale-red-Irishman thing.  Once I read about a girl who had cancer and got to meet Conan O'Brien and still wound up feeling jealous.

6. People who get off on exercising. Not literally, because that'd be weird. Or sexy, I guess, if you look at it in a certain way. Anyway I simply can't fathom not getting frustrated every time you lift a weight or feel that chest-crushing feeling you get when you run. I wish I could just waltz into the gym and flounce about from machine to machine with an unsuppressed air of confidence, but frankly it's a good day if I'm there at all, shuffling along with my head down hoping no one's looking at my panty lines.

What are you feeling envious of today?