Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Things that Make me Jealous

I've always been a bit of a jealous person.

This makes sense when you consider that most jealousy is routed in insecurity, and we all know that I have an insecurity hoard big enough to get me through even the most confident of winters. #torturedmetaphor

Below I'd like to share with you a few the things that make me feel the most jealous.  They are petty and they are stupid. I know I'll probably get some side-eye for being all blog negative or letting my negativity overcome my very soul, but whatever. We all feel it from time to time, might as well own that shit.

And of course file it squarely in the "First World Problems" file.

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THIS IS MY JEALOUS FACE

I am jealous of:

1. Tall girls. Specifically of their ability to wear normal t-shirts and still look feminine in them.  My friend Amie typically buys men's or boy's t-shirts and always looks super cute with them.  On my short-ass frame (short ass-frame?) I drown in them; the short hair only compounds the "tiny boy in his father's shirt" look I seem to pull off so well.

2. People who wear objectively ridiculous clothes and still look amazing. You know who you are, and I want the secret. I somehow have the opposite talent of wearing objectively reasonable clothes and still looking ridiculous.

3. Really, really funny people. You know when you read a blog or a book and someone is just objectively hilarious without even really trying?  That. I know, I know, lots of work goes into creating good content blah de derp. But realistically, being funny to some extent is natural talent beautifully coupled with emotional baggage, and though I'm well-versed in one I am quite lacking in the other.

4.  People who can eat wheat. Wah wah.

5. People who have met Conan O'Brien. It is a well-known fact in the land inside my head that I have a pale-red-Irishman thing.  Once I read about a girl who had cancer and got to meet Conan O'Brien and still wound up feeling jealous.

6. People who get off on exercising. Not literally, because that'd be weird. Or sexy, I guess, if you look at it in a certain way. Anyway I simply can't fathom not getting frustrated every time you lift a weight or feel that chest-crushing feeling you get when you run. I wish I could just waltz into the gym and flounce about from machine to machine with an unsuppressed air of confidence, but frankly it's a good day if I'm there at all, shuffling along with my head down hoping no one's looking at my panty lines.

What are you feeling envious of today?

53 comments:

  1. I'm jealous of people with awesome metabolisms, people who post multiple photos of themselves eating cupcakes while simultaneously wearing size 2 jeans, people who say things like "I totally forgot to eat today!". Wait, what?! I can honestly tell you that I have NEVER forgotten to eat. My body does not play that shit. My Beyonce inspired ass would like a metabolism with a little more pep in its step, you know?

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    1. Haha I get that, all I think about is eating! Weirdos ;)

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    2. Hahaha Oh Olivia, I laughed out loud at your comment! Food is awesome. And so are you :)

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  2. I think we all have our insecurities. I too am jealous of people who love exercise! I have to force myself every single time. The only part I like is when it's over. :)

    I'm also jealous of girls who are effortlessly gorgeous. Or who know how to make it look effortless. I feel like even when I put in effort to how I look, and feel like I look good, I'll see a girl like this and feel gross or awkward. It doesn't happen often, but it's still frustrating. I try not to dwell on it, and mostly I don't, but the insecurities are hard to shake.

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    1. YES to the effortless gorgeousness. I don't ever get it, frankly. I finally gave up and just look like me, haha!

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  3. haha love your list.

    Okay, I'm jealous of:

    Girls with boobs. Share some of that, would you?

    Girls with small waists. - I'm not fat, I simply am built like a rectangle and don't curve in. Pair this with not having boobs. I look like a boy. With an ass. =\

    Girls who are taller or shorter than I am. Tall girls can be sexy, short girls can be cute. What am I? Average.

    Bloggers who make money blogging. Do I need to say anything else about this? haha

    Really creative people. 'Cause I can't seem to come up with anything that cool or original.

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    1. I don't have much in the boob department either. And I wish I could support myself with blogging, I think it'd be challenging but totally awesome. And for the record I think you're creative :)

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  4. Agreed! And don't be too hard on yourself, you are surprisingly positive about all that envy:) P.S. I actually think you are quite funny.

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    1. Thank you for the kind words, friend! You are sweet :)

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  5. This is a great post! I may do a similar one, if you don't mind.
    It's not fun being jealous & insecure, but I love to hear with makes others feel this way. Your list is good and I think we all get jealous about those things. It's only natural, I guess.

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    1. I don't mind at all! :) And I agree, it's human nature!

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  6. dear lover, i have a few things to say about these things.

    first, you and i could sit and bitch over how tall we AREN'T all day and i'm sure we'd still be jealous. or at least i know i would. sometimes when i'm feeling particularly whiny, i keep asking, "why couldn't i have gotten normal genes? why can't i just be a normal size?"

    second, i look at personal style blogs and have no idea how someone can dress like a schizophrenic hobo and STILL manage to look chic and put together, but if i try layering a sweater over a dress i look like i just crawled up from the sewer. it makes me jealous, too.

    third, shut up, you are funny.

    and fourth, unless i find the right activity, i think exercising is torture if i don't have someone to keep me company. maybe next time i'll stop spying on you in the locker room, wait, i mean gym, and come in and exercise with you.

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    1. Definitely, to the normal size thing. I hope one day to have a situation in which you and I are sitting in the same place and bitching about ANYTHING. The sky? High gas prices? As long as you and I are hanging out and drinking I don't care.

      Second, EXACTLY. I have a few specific ones in mind but I don't want to call anyone out. But dayum. And for the record, in every outfit post you look so awesome.

      Third, YOU SHUT UP. Seriously though, thanks, that was sweet of you to say :)

      Fourth, I KNOWWWW right?! I'll come find you in the locker room the next time I go...in 30 years.

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  7. YES. THIS POST. I'm so hysterical because it's so accurate to my life. When I was in New York City in 2008 Conan's show was still there and I legitimately BEGGED my friends to get FREE TICKETS and come with me. I've adored Conan for so many years it's not even funny. They wouldn't come. Now? Conan is in LA and I will probably never get to see him. SO I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I see how interactive he is with his audience and it makes me cry a little inside.

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    1. OH MAN I would've LOVED to go. Have you seen the Netflix documentary "Conan O'Brien Can't Stop"? He's actually kind of a douche in real life BUT I DON'T CARE.

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  8. We share a lot of the same jalousies. Well, I'll swap out your Conan one because I did marry a ginger and now have a ginger son as well, BUT . . . you can pull off short hair! *Jealous*

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    1. Heheh I appreciate that, I'm never all that sure that I CAN pull it off, I just cut it all off because I'm lazy. :)

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  9. I'm jealous of bloggers who get mentioned on After Nine to Five AND Sometimes Sweet in the space of a few days!!! Those people are AMAZING. Yeah, you know who I'm talking about, Caitlin!

    Also, point six. Also, stand up comedians - the confidence; the humour; the ability to get words out with stumbling over them! WOW!

    Oh, and people with gardens.

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    1. D'aww, you're sweet :) And I know, I could never do stand up comedy...first, not funny enough obv, and second, the first time I got heckled I'd melt into a puddle of sadness. Finally, gardens are awesome. I have the biggest brown thumb ever.

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    2. Exactly. I'd go bright red and then be stuck on stage trying not to burst into tears, going, "B-b-b-b-but... no! No, it's... aaaaaaah, urgh... ulp..."

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  10. I'm jealous of people with just good luck in general. Also, girls who don't struggle with their weight. Side note, you have one of the funniest blogs that I read so you should definitely cross that off your list!

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    1. Aww you're sweet, thanks! And I know what you mean about people with good luck.

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  11. Completely agree with #6! I work across the street from a gym and am constantly watching happy people entering. Ugh! Its a bad day if I have to go to the gym.

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    1. Haha III know. I really need to get back into it, I'm just dragging ass. Le sigh.

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  12. You had me at "short ass-frame".

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  13. hahah i'm definitely jealous of people who can eat gluten too!

    unfortunatly, i'm one of those weird people who loves working out and feels better as soon as i walk into a gym :/ sorry caitlin! haha

    i guess my biggest jealousy is blogging-related, and it's directed towards the people who make their lives seem so perfect and effort-less, even when we all know no one's life is like that in reality. does that make sense?

    i'm also jealous of girls who actually know how to do their hair and make-up, because i'm hopeless. haha.

    btw, this is one of my favorite posts by you! as usual, love the honesty.

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    1. Hehe that's okay, I'm married to one of you gym rats! haha :)

      I think the people that make their lives look effortless are generally compensating, in my limited experience. This holds true in blogs and in real life.

      I am ALSO hopeless with hair and makeup! I buy crap at walmart and just slap it on my face.

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  14. I'm a 6 foot tall lady and I find it hard to fit in SO many clothes! Typically, us long legged ladies also have no boobs and are thin, so when we try on a shirt is is waaaay too wide and waaaay too short. When the long shirt styles came around I literally bought multiples of shirts in multiple colors because I knew the style would eventually go away, but that's what I needed! I have to wear a tank top under pretty much every shirt I own because they're all belly shirts! (Though they aren't supposed to be...)

    I, too, am jealous of people who can eat wheat! I just placed an order with Katz Gluten Free though and am so excited about it! They have a code for a free sample pack of a lot of their GF products, go check it out! Shipping is expensive on it though so I just bought $30 worth of stuff for the free shipping.

    Lastly, I'm jealous of people who don't have to work their way through school. I may be learning some important lesson of living within my means and prioritizing, but dammit, I'd like to not have to work as well as take biology, chemistry and statistics at the same time!

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    1. I swear, no one makes clothes that just fit NORMAL WOMEN. I've literally never met a woman who said "yeah, I have no problems buying jeans/shirts/whatevs!" I am also jealous of your long legs though :)

      Yayyy gluten-free food! Thanks for the heads-up.

      And I know what you mean about working through school, it can be exhausting!

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  15. Well ... I do find your blog objectively hilarious, that's why I keep coming back time and time again! I am also jealous of tall girls ... but it's a leg thing, not a torso thing ... and your gym comment made me think of Burn After Reading - the penis workout machine. HA.

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    1. D'aww thanks. And I LOVE Burn After Reading, what a great movie!

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  16. I am jealous of similar things. I am jealous of blogs that have lots of followers, blogs that are so sugar-sweet cute you want to throw up cotton candy, but can't stop reading. Girls with long hair when my hair is short, and girls with short hair when my hair is long. Pretty dang crazy...

    Love your list! Love your blog!

    C

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    1. Hahaha YES. The grass is always greener :)

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  17. Ha wow loving your honesty. Altho thinking you wouldnt like me cause I'm tall, wear tshirts and eat lots of wheat... BUT heres some truths - there are so many bad points to being tall, not least that clothing is mostly too short and only Topshop caters to my height (EVERYONE shops there), also that I like tall men and theyre too hard to find. Your short hair is so cute, I know for a fact I wouldnt suit it so I'M jealous of you! Also wheat makes you bloated, true story ;)

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    1. Thanks friend :) I replied in an email but of course I'd like you! :)

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    2. You are two of my top five favourite bloggers. Fact.

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    3. Thanks Sarah, you are so sweet :)

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  18. Im envious that you wrote this post with out trying to be funny and yet its ridiculously funny!

    Im jealous of educated writing, you know the people whose blogs I actually feel smarter reading even though they are writing about being jealous over tall girls. But for real, I am jealous of your verbiage.

    Im jealous of people who have blogs who are really skinny but everyday they are eating burgers or something else that is really delicious any fattening and yet they look like a super model. I just want to eat burgers and cadbury easter eggs all day and look like they do.

    Im jealous of people with really really awesome families. I know this is kinda silly, but growing up I've always been jealous of people with great families.

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    1. Mmmm Cadbury Eggs! Delish. And I know exactly what you mean about educated writing. I love/hate when I read a blog and I just feel like I totally suck, hehe.

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  19. Let's talk about how jealous I am of girls that don't have crazy panty lines at the gym! Also, this post = win.

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    1. Haha I finally had to stop wearing underwear to the gym, it annoyed me so much!

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  20. There is nothing quite as embarrassing as posting two comments in one day:) I just wanted to let you know I've been invited to take part in this little blog on blog love experiment called the Versatile Blogger Awards and I've included you in my 15 blogs to check out. Yay? Yay! If you want to participate, click here (my post on it) for the rules: http://washthedog.wordpress.com/2012/03/28/versatile-blogger-award-you-say/

    If you decide to participate be warned, it requires a lot of linking! And for that I sincerely apologize :)

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    1. Thank you friend, that's very sweet of you! :)

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  21. I too am envious of folks who can eat wheat. Not gonna lie, I really miss donuts.

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  22. Oh my goodness I agree with all of them except the people who can eat wheat, mainly because I technically can eat wheat. But it made me not able to eat other good foods and it made me lazy so I'm okay with it.

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    1. Yeah, it's definitely not worth how sick I feel, but still...yummy pizza.

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  23. i never knew that you hated me for so many things. it's extremely hard on my emotions to be so perfect!

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