I admit that I feel silly for writing yet another post about blogging. Ever since I started blogging somewhat more seriously I've struggled to find a voice and a consistent blogging trend. Instead of a woven tapestry I feel like I just have a pile of frayed threads, if you'll pardon my tortured metaphor.
The post I wrote yesterday about Rob's camel spider experience was different from my normal blog post in a few ways. For one, I included foul language, and I didn't apologize for the somewhat gruff tone of the story. I figured out that after I wrote it that that story, and the tone of it, was far more me than a lot of my posts.
I don't know if you can discern this from my blog posts or tweets, but I swear in real life a lot. I have a pretty disgusting sense of humor and more often than not I say things that probably shouldn't be said in polite company. I drink alcohol on a semi-regular basis--though rarely to excess--pee with the door open, and fart loudly in front of my husband. Rob and I had a discussion about our table the other day that quickly devolved into a discussion about sex positions, and that's more or less a daily occurrence in our house.
Since I started actively connecting with other bloggers I've noticed that I've toned down my normal voice a lot. There have been times that I've wanted to share with you a conversation like the one above because it made me laugh, or question some aspect of life or blogging, but haven't for fear that I'd lose followers or get a nasty comment. This fear of confrontation causes me to take an opinion or a thought that I may have and water it the hell down with apologies and scare quotes, or just avoid writing the post at all.
I don't blame anyone in the blogging world for this--some people are turned off by swearing or crudeness, and the blogs I read are probably comprised of more people that are like this than not. And it's no one's doing but my own that I'm too scared to just say shit I think. It frustrates me that I let something like the number of followers or comments dictate what I do and do not share, and it frustrates me that I'm so uncomfortable with myself that I feel like I can't share it with you for fear I won't be "accepted." I'm getting to the point now, though, where I'm starting to think it's better to feel more comfortable writing honestly and risk offending than hand wring over word choice in order to please everyone.
This isn't to say that I'd rather write disgusting, offensive posts all the time, just that I want to apologize less for having an opinion or a thought or sharing something silly that might not be palatable to everyone. I guess I'm hoping to orient this space more inward rather than writing for what I imagine everyone wants to hear.
Am I making sense? Do any of you feel this way sometimes?