On Saturday I met up with a few fire wives to romp around the dog park and check out the farmer's market. I drank a lot of coffee, which I usually don't do, and by midday I was reminded why. The whole rest of the day I felt on edge and my heart would pound out of my chest at the slightest provocation, plus my stomach rumbled and felt queasy on and off all day. I shouldn't be totally surprised by this, seeing as how drinking a 5 Hour Energy Extreme once gave me a full-on meltdown (seriously, it was not pretty) and a regular 5 Hour Energy made me more depressed than I've been in years. Couple the coffee issues with the fact that the Santa Fe Farmer's Market is located in a place called the Railyard (which poses predictable concerns for a person with a train phobia) and I was pretty anxious.
Aside from the coffee and train issues, though, Saturday was awesome. I'm so glad to have friends here now with whom I have a lot in common, because I know it'll make the inevitable departures so much easier. Also, the Farmer's Market here in Santa Fe is totally bananas! I bought some local farm-fresh butter and chèvre which has prompted Rob to ask me, "is it local?" every time he pulls it out of the fridge.
On Sunday two of the girls came over to our place and went hiking up the mountain (which Rob calls a hill) behind our house. Afterward we hung out in the house for hours, eating slutty brownies and looking at wedding photos (so much estrogen, I love it).
While they were here, one girl, Natalie, found out that the photographer she had booked for an engagement session with her fiance had cancelled. Since we knew the boys would be off that night and it would be hard to find another perfectly-timed day to do it, I offered to take the photos for her. As you guys know, usually I don't like taking photos in a "professional" capacity, but I really like Natalie and her fiance Keith so I knew it'd be a lot more relaxed than most shoots I've done. We had a lot of fun frolicking around the dog park and I think (slash hope) that their photos really capture who they are as a couple, as totally schmaltzy as that sounds. Hopefully I can share a few of the final ones here.
Also, I think I earned a massive amount of wife points, since I made dinner hours before Rob came home knowing he'd come home before I did. He didn't go hungry OR have to make himself dinner. DOMESTIC WIN.
The greatest thing about the last few days, though, is that Rob hasn't yet been called out to a fire. His crew is at the top of the list nationally and could go any day, so every morning I tell him I love him and to be safe just in case he can't come home for awhile. I'm not looking forward to the next six months at least in the context of Rob being gone, but hopefully I can get through it with my sanity.
I haven't been particularly proud of how I've been acting lately with Rob, to be honest. I know myself and am very aware of how feelings of hurt get translated into anger or neediness or cranky negativity. It's really gross and immature and lame. I'm figuring it out slowly but far too slowly for my impatient self.
Other than all of that life just goes on. I hope I get the blogging spark back soon.
Also, this my 400th post! Yay for even numbers ending in zero.
I recently stopped drinking coffee everyday, and have noticed a massive difference in how calm I feel. I totally can relate to your anxiousness after drinking coffee. I guess that was a huge contributor to my anxiety all this time.
ReplyDeleteI hope your 'spark' comes back soon. Although, even when you say you don't have it, your words still seem like you do :-)