Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Dealing with Disappointment

One manifestation of my anxiety and need to plan every minuscule aspect of my life is my tendency to get my hopes up and then to be crushed by the inevitable disappointment.

I've been looking at apartment listings on Craigslist since late December--when we found out Rob had the job--and I've found the perfect apartment about seven times.  I have a running list of apartment listings in my bookmarks that I check and re-check day after day to see if they're still there.  I look at the pictures and imagine where our furniture will go, what we'll do with the third bedroom, where we'll go to walk the dog.  Inevitably one day the listing is deleted, or one of my inquiry emails is returned with apologies, because the house has been rented.

A few weeks ago we found the perfect house (again).  There was an enclosed chicken coop, a jet tub, brand-new washer and dryer, and it abutted a huge mass of government-owned land perfect for our beast frolic time.  I kept the listing in my bookmarks and checked it about 7 times a day to see if it could still be ours.

I found out yesterday that it was rented last week.

I feel disappointed, yes, but in a way also relieved.  I felt like I was in a self-imposed prison of worry about this place; I was so afraid that it was meant to be ours and I was erroneous in not jumping on it sight-unseen.  It's been so bad that my stomach has felt like it did pre-celiac diagnosis.

I was able to stop worrying about it for a good 10 minutes until I found a new place.  And the cycle starts over once again.

It's been a real struggle to relax and let things happen as they should.  Life and death do not hinge on us finding the perfect house, and if we find a somewhat-less-than-perfect place we'll make do because no matter what we have each other. And Cypress.

Wish me luck that I find a great place next week and that I won't totally lose my sanity in this move.

16 comments:

  1. good luck. i know this has got to be a stressful time. i am getting anxious just thinking about it for you!

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  2. Oh, it's SO hard finding "the perfect place" when you're not there in person. I've done that and it's such a pain. Hang in there, lady - you'll find the most wonderful house!

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  3. Oh Caitlin I wish you didn't have to worry about this yet! My fingers are crossed for you and my toes would be too, if I could cross them! GOOD LUCK!

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  4. you will find the right place and everything will come together, just let it happen. i was SO stressed out when eric and i were looking for a new apartment, so i know how you feel. good luck girl!

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  5. I know exactly how you feel. I am the kind of person who can get their hopes up in a flash, and have them squashed in miliseconds. It causes a lot of problems within my life nearly everyday. It's hard to change a part of yourself that seems almost natural, although it may be detrimental. Does that make sense? I am a really positive and hopeful person, almost to a fault. But it can really negatively impact your life too.

    I am sure you guys will find the most awesome apartment! And I meand that with the sincerest postivitey :)!

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  6. always remember everything is temporary. if you don't find the 'perfect' house to rent when you move you can always find another place.

    i am starting to learn with anxiety that all it is, is overthinking every single aspect of every single thing...i have been off and on medication and am happy to say i am off. i try very hard every day to not over think things and take them as i go.

    i hope you find the perfect house, but i wouldn't start looking until about 1 month before you move.

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  7. Things always work out for the best! You'll see :) Breath in, breath out, and keep your chin up!

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  8. Good luck! I haven't yet had the pleasure/displeasure of dealing with apartment/house hunting yet (hopefully this year!), but I can definitely relate to getting my hopes up too high. I always try to remember that things have a way of working out some way or another :)

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  9. Hang in there girl. We moved here to Texas from coastal Ga and I swear I spent hours upon hours on the internet looking at houses.. ugh. IT WILL WORK OUT!! Just keep your chin up babe! :)

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  10. I do the same thing when I'm house hunting. Best of luck! I hope you find somewhere you love.

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  11. I totally know what you mean! You have to fight the urge not to shut down inside ... sort a ... fine, I won't get excited about anything anymore ... I tried that for awhile and it really sucks the happiness right out of life! Keep your chin up - you will make whatever place you get a perfect home, for the time being ... and you will have happiness there.

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  12. Ah, this is just the really crappy part about moving far away. You have all these places you want to visit as your new home but you can't because you don't live there yet! I think once you actually go visit your new city you'll relax a little bit as you visit places while you're there. I mean, I really hope you do! You just have to take it one step at a time :)

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  13. awww i'm sorry that it didn't work out. that must be torture for you. i hope it all comes together as i am sure it will. you're doing awesome.

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  14. Then right place will be easy;) don't worry your pretty little head about things you can not control :)

    I totally understand your frustration though. We're moving(again) and we just can't find the right place, we want to stay in one place until we move out west, and we just aren't finding what we need/want. Blah.

    I am jealous that you're going west btw. :)

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  15. I hate to say cliche things like "It will all work out" because if there is any time in life to be nervous and anxious, you're there. But it really will work out, it always does. You'll find the perfect place and you'll start your new life and it will all work out. In the meantime, stay strong and focused, you got this!!

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  16. I remember when I was trying to find a place out in LA before I moved and I had the absolute worst time finding a place. My roommate and I took 3 trips out there before we found our place and it was the very last place we planned to look at before giving up. So what I'm trying to say is that even though it is really crappy right now I know it will all work out and you will find a wonderful place to make your new home out there!

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