Friday, January 6, 2012

Bacheloretting it Up & Other Thoughts

...This post might be kind of boring and pointless. But that isn't totally surprising, right?

On Tuesday Robbie and I drove to a hotel in Manchester, New Hampshire so he could be ready to fly out at 6 a.m. the following day.  Since we passed the only Chipotle in Maine we of course had to go, and once we were at the hotel we of course had to snack on more crap (this is almost all my influence, by the way):

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And here is a gratuitous picture of Robbie hiding from my camera snuggling in our hotel bed:


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We got up at around 3:45 am (gross).  For my part, I was stressed about getting gas the next day (don't ask) so I'd hardly even slept at all.  I dropped Rob off and made the long drive back home.

Since we had taken Cypress to daycare for our overnight trip, I came home to a pretty cold, empty house, and it made me sad.  But I eventually got some work done, and had a delicious dinner of vegetarian burgers with my friend Sarah, her girlfriend Ashleigh, and their rugby buddy, which cheered me up quite a bit.

Yesterday was my first full day alone.  I picked up my needy beast, ate take-out gluten-free pizza and made brownies with icing after sitting in a class all day. I wish Cypress would be more of a therapy dog, but her anxiety actually builds off my anxiety and my sadness, so she usually just ends up staring at me all day.  Kind of counter-productive, eh?


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First off, I'm sorry that those pictures aren't all the same width. If I've learned one thing from "how to blog" posts it's that your pictures should all be the same width, but I just can't be bothered to edit these. I hope your eyes can stand it.

I'm not sure what it is about Robbie being gone, but when he's not here I feel like...half of myself, I guess.  I feel less sure of myself, clumsier, and more forgetful.  Does anyone else feel like that? I hate to admit it because I'm pretty sure it makes me a codependent weirdo, but if I can be honest anywhere it's on my blog so there you have it.  I feel like this post, in all its incoherent majesty, is reflective of where my mind is right now--disjointed is the word that comes to mind.

I know what you're thinking--codependent weirdo.  And I know, I totally am.  It's something that I've tried to work on particularly in the years since we moved in together.  I used to be really good at being alone when Rob was in the Army, but once he got out it's like I turned into this blathering mass of neediness.  What's bizarre is, when he leaves it's as though my mind accepts that he's gone for good or at least a long time.  I see his car and have to stop myself from feeling all nostalgic and saying to myself  "I remember when we drove to ___ in that Jeep".  He's not dead, and he's not gone for longer than five days.  So why can't I just shut my mind up and be normal, dammit?

Also, in perfect technological timing, his phone totally died today. Luckily he was able to call me before this happen and warn me, or else I would've been absolutely hysterical when he didn't call.  I guess I should look at it as a learning experience, especially since with his new job he'll be gone for weeks at a time with potentially no cell phone reception whatsoever.  I've said it before but the man is damn good at finding new and creative ways for us not to see or talk to each other (I kid, I kid). 

I guess "incoherence" is the word of the year so far in 2012 on this here blog.  I apologize for the disjointed and whiny thought process, but I appreciate your willingness to listen.

Do you have any plans for the weekend? I'm going to my sister's apartment in Boston today and staying there until Sunday!

14 comments:

  1. why is it that the women are always the ones who are the bad influences when it comes to junk food? i'm more than ready for chris to be the one to suggest greasy pizza, but NO, he wants a salad. wimp.

    um, i can understand the co-dependent thing. i'm terribly independent, and i actually get annoyed and moody when chris doesn't leave for a while so i can just be alone, but i think that's not the norm, and i really do wish i could be a little more co-dependent, if for nothing more than to make him feel better! he's very co-dependent.

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  2. Pff, my landscape photos are only the same width because it's the Flickr default size! And the portrait ones aren't because then they get all huge and don't fit in the screen and nobody wants a picture of just the top of my head (or do they...?).

    I don't think it's so unusual to feel at a loss when somebody you love goes away for a while; I just think it's unusual to be honest about it. I admire you for opening up.

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  3. Don't be sorry about your pictures--it's your blog and you can do whatever you want with them! ;)

    You're making me hungry with all your food pics, btw. But I hope things get a little easier while Robbie is gone!! Enjoy your weekend :)

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  4. Your life looks so yummy!
    Well enjoy your weekend and try hard not to let being apart get you down too much!
    I always feel the same way when Ryan is gone, even for one day, so at least if you're a freak you aren't the only freak out there. ;]

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  5. You're not a weirdo Caitlin (I always laugh when you add that into your post!) you're just so used to living with Rob that it's literally like a void in your life when he's not there. I think that's totally normal, I still live with my mom but when she leaves for a weekend the house feels completely abandoned.

    That picture of Cypress on the couch... OMG I just want to hug that little beast!!

    Hope your time without Rob isn't too awful, have a lovely weekend!!

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  6. Codependent? How about "totally normal"? We get used to our spouses being around and when they're not, well, it's just weird. Hang in there, lady!

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  7. i don't think it's such a bad concept...the co dependent thing. i suppose i kinda look at it as that is what marriage is partly about. you DO become dependent on each other because you ARE a team. does that make sense? i know i'm rambling ;)

    anyway, enjoy your weekend! i'm kinda stoked to go out with my best friend tonight. tomorrow is hanging at home with the kids. sunday is family day and cleaning the house. oh joy ;)

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  8. Oh girl! You aren't a weirdo!!! I have separation anxiety myself, so trust me, you can't be as bad as I am. ;) If I'm away from Jen, even for an hour, I cry my eyes out and have come close to passing out. Granted, we LOVE spending time together, so it's not that big of a deal but I was actually fired from a job because whenever she dropped me off, I cried and cried and cried.

    *hugs tightly* Hit me up on Twitter, GMail or GChat if you ever need to talk!

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  9. once my boyfriend went out of town for a few days and left his laptop and cell phone behind. i was going CRAZY not being able to call or text when i wanted to! i totally know how you feel. most of the time, i wish i had more time to myself or the apartment to myself, but when they leave it's terrible! haha!

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  10. I don't think that you are a weirdo. I have been with my husband for 20 years. For the past seven, we worked together and we together all of the time. I loved it. My girlfriends made fun of me (they were jealous).

    In August, he got a new job and he works 6 days a week. I seriously drove around in my car crying for weeks. I was so sad.

    It just means that you love him. What if you were glad he was gone. That would be worse!

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  11. This blog is a true inspiration. In September, my boyfriend left to Afghanistan. This is my first deployment and I got encouraged to do my own blog about my very personal experience with it. Thanks for sharing your blog :)

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  12. Heyy I tagged you in my post today :) http://hollyjean331.blogspot.com/2012/01/11-is-my-lucky-number.html

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  13. I have the same thing happen to me when matt is gone you aren't alone!

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  14. I'M A CODEPENDANT WEIRDO TOO!!!
    so.
    there's that. it is nice to know i don't exist alone in that.

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