On Tuesday Robbie and I drove to a hotel in Manchester, New Hampshire so he could be ready to fly out at 6 a.m. the following day. Since we passed the only Chipotle in Maine we of course had to go, and once we were at the hotel we of course had to snack on more crap (this is almost all my influence, by the way):
And here is a gratuitous picture of Robbie hiding
Since we had taken Cypress to daycare for our overnight trip, I came home to a pretty cold, empty house, and it made me sad. But I eventually got some work done, and had a delicious dinner of vegetarian burgers with my friend Sarah, her girlfriend Ashleigh, and their rugby buddy, which cheered me up quite a bit.
Yesterday was my first full day alone. I picked up my needy beast, ate take-out gluten-free pizza and made brownies with icing after sitting in a class all day. I wish Cypress would be more of a therapy dog, but her anxiety actually builds off my anxiety and my sadness, so she usually just ends up staring at me all day. Kind of counter-productive, eh?
First off, I'm sorry that those pictures aren't all the same width. If I've learned one thing from "how to blog" posts it's that your pictures should all be the same width, but I just can't be bothered to edit these. I hope your eyes can stand it.
I'm not sure what it is about Robbie being gone, but when he's not here I feel like...half of myself, I guess. I feel less sure of myself, clumsier, and more forgetful. Does anyone else feel like that? I hate to admit it because I'm pretty sure it makes me a codependent weirdo, but if I can be honest anywhere it's on my blog so there you have it. I feel like this post, in all its incoherent majesty, is reflective of where my mind is right now--disjointed is the word that comes to mind.
I know what you're thinking--codependent weirdo. And I know, I totally am. It's something that I've tried to work on particularly in the years since we moved in together. I used to be really good at being alone when Rob was in the Army, but once he got out it's like I turned into this blathering mass of neediness. What's bizarre is, when he leaves it's as though my mind accepts that he's gone for good or at least a long time. I see his car and have to stop myself from feeling all nostalgic and saying to myself "I remember when we drove to ___ in that Jeep". He's not dead, and he's not gone for longer than five days. So why can't I just shut my mind up and be normal, dammit?
Also, in perfect technological timing, his phone totally died today. Luckily he was able to call me before this happen and warn me, or else I would've been absolutely hysterical when he didn't call. I guess I should look at it as a learning experience, especially since with his new job he'll be gone for weeks at a time with potentially no cell phone reception whatsoever. I've said it before but the man is damn good at finding new and creative ways for us not to see or talk to each other (I kid, I kid).
Also, in perfect technological timing, his phone totally died today. Luckily he was able to call me before this happen and warn me, or else I would've been absolutely hysterical when he didn't call. I guess I should look at it as a learning experience, especially since with his new job he'll be gone for weeks at a time with potentially no cell phone reception whatsoever. I've said it before but the man is damn good at finding new and creative ways for us not to see or talk to each other (I kid, I kid).
I guess "incoherence" is the word of the year so far in 2012 on this here blog. I apologize for the disjointed and whiny thought process, but I appreciate your willingness to listen.
Do you have any plans for the weekend? I'm going to my sister's apartment in Boston today and staying there until Sunday!
