I realized that most of my posts over the last few days have touched on the new year quite a bit, probably to the point that you're wondering when I'll just shut up and deal with the fact that it's 2012. I don't blame you, I'm kind of wondering the same thing.
Is it weird to say that 2012 just feels different? I feel like there are big things happening this year; not necessarily bad or good, just big. And minus the move and all the challenges it will bring, I have no idea what any of these changes will be.
Because 2012 feels different so far, I want to be different in response. I want to not be so quick to anger or frustration at tiny things, I want to not allow those in my life who seek to hurt or overcompensate have an irrational effect on me, I want to be the absolute best wife and friend I can be.
2011 was the first year I ever really engaged in therapy, and though I struggle every day, it was as though a light switch came on in my head. It's a double-edged sword, developing insight into your own thoughts, and it can often be even more stressful than the original anxiety.
Earlier today I caught myself getting frustrated at losing a Words with Friends game (lifelong competitiveness, it's tough to stop) and I wondered why these sorts of things bug me so much. Why do I let tiny, meaningless frustrations dominate my demeanor and my mood? Why, in these moments, can I not see the proverbial forest through the trees?
By way of another example, the other day my friend Amie, who has an interest in spirituality and astrology, read some astrological information relative to each of our birthdays from a big book with each day of the year. Mine was kind of hit-or-miss, but Rob's was absolutely dead-on. And though neither of us believe in astrology to any great extent (or any extent at all), it really hit home to me how though I know Rob very well after nine years together, there's still so much more to learn about him. I've done both him and me a disservice by not spending more time learning more every day about my husband. I don't mean to say that we don't communicate, but as with any marriage, we can always communicate more.
So in response to 2012's brash arrival, I will work toward being the best possible person I can be. To not make everything about me, and to spend time focusing on what really matters.
And if you made it through that semi-incoherent post, I admire you.