When you suffer from anxiety and/or depression, friendship can be both a wonderful and yet very frustrating thing. Actually scratch that, I'm pretty sure even if you are anxious or depressed friendship can be wonderful and frustrating. Any activity that has you developing a relationship with a fellow imperfect human being is usually going to end up pretty messy.
A friend (see what I did there?) and I were talking about people that don't seem to be interested in having friends so much as keeping them. I've had a lot of experience with these people it seems. These are the people who blow you off, usually via text or other non-confrontational method I find, but yet later will still send you baffling signals about how close of friends you apparently are. I constantly doubt myself all on my own and have sadly spent far too much time trying to decipher what my friendship means to this type of person.
I also seem to meet a lot of people who are defined by their baggage. Since I was a kid I was drawn to people who needed me, the obvious problem being that when I needed them they were simply incapable of being there. As you all know well, I have plenty of baggage myself and work best in mutual, caring friendships.
Another person I come into contact with on a somewhat regular basis are downright toxic people. I know a few friends who pollute my Facebook feed (it's always Facebook) with toxicity, and depending on who the person is it causes me stress to no end. I'm constantly fearing a confrontation with these people and worry for hours over what that confrontation will consist of. It isn't uncommon for me to allow these people and their actions to interfere with my entire day. And because I'm far too apologetic and insecure, I'm too scared to delete or block them for fear of harassment and retribution.
I probably haven't always been the best friend in the world, but I know that I'm a good person and I've always tried to be the best friend I can. I don't deserve to be bogged down by people who make themselves happy simply by dragging others down. A personal goal of mine is to become better at determining those friendships that enrich my life rather than cause me undue stress and anxiety. I don't have time for that shit.
Have a great week, all!
Those of you who are my real friends can come with me to P.F. Chang's!
Though this sounds like a bit of a downer post, thinking about those not-so-positive forces in my life reminds me of those friends, online and off, that do enrich my life. You know who you are, and I love you for it. I hope I return your friendly awesomeness to at least a certain degree.
Have a great week, all!
