Tuesday, April 17, 2012

I Annoy Myself & Here's Why!

I know I've been really into these "Things That..." posts lately but what can I say, they're fun to write.  This one will be pretty easy to write, since it's about my awkward self, something that I am constantly and painfully aware of.

I got the idea to write a "Things That Annoy Me About Myself" (yeah, that's great syntax, I know) from Lauren, who is a lovely person.

1. My tendency to take constructive criticism extremely personally.  Be it "your writing could use some work," "make sure to include a subject with that work email you sent," or "please stop asking me if I still love you," I automatically and unquestioningly take it as a deep, cutting remark against who I am as a person.  I'm a bad person, I'm annoying, I'm obnoxious, you get the point.  I then assume that the other person, who of course always has the moral high ground over me, is also thinking non-stop about how awful I am because of that one indiscretion and that they have made a final, permanent judgement on me. This is why in my blog posts you'll always see apologies and "scare quotes" and endless qualifications: I try, as much as possible, to preempt the stream of criticism that may fall upon my head.

2. My inability to do anything creative correctly.  This is hard to explain, but I feel like whenever I've tried to copy something creative, like a clothing style for example, it always winds up looking like a "poor man's" version of that thing.  Take my blog, for example.  I try to make it look like all of your well-structured and matching blogs, but it just doesn't.  Apart from my awesome header made by Jess, my blog looks like Cypress ate Photoshop and dafont.com and vomited them up onto your screen. Shit doesn't line up, the fonts aren't interesting, and I have no idea what colors to use aside from the very obvious ones, no matter how hard I try. I visit friends and they have lovely coordinated bathrooms, but our bathroom is a hodgepodge of hand-me-down towels of various colors, whatever handsoap was cheapest, and the shower curtain that came with the place.  I just don't get complementary colors or how people can just do shit and it looks awesome.

Photobucket 
Gratuitous love photo because the blogs tell me that people don't like too much text and what can I say, I live to serve.

3. My total lack of impulse control.  If I want something and I have the money, it's mine. If I have an itch, I scratch it, even if scratching it isn't what's best for me (interestingly I can resist scratching when I'm dealing with a tattoo that's healing, but Rob will still tell you that I act totally nuts).

4. I pull away when I'm upset.  Whenever I'm anticipating feeling hurt or lonely, I pull away, but not subtly or nobly or humbly; I do it in a really stupid, passive aggressive way that is totally noticeable to anyone who knows me even halfway decently.  I can't even do emotional distance correctly.

5. I don't drink water enough. I really like juice. And chocolate milk.  Water is fucking boring.

6. My talent(?) for taking any compliment and finding a negative in it.  This one's pretty self-explanatory.  You like my writing? You'll probably hate my next 5 posts because I'm trying too hard.  My shirt is nice? You wouldn't think so if you saw me in real life.

7. I hate leftovers.  My dad also hates leftovers so as a kid we didn't eat them all that much.  Even the smell of leftovers--despite the fact that they generally smell the same as they did the night before--can make me physically sick.  I must just be a picky, privileged asshole since I've only had a few people agree with me that microwaved chicken and turkey are straight-up disgusting.

Wishing you all an awesome week free of negativity* and hard water.

*Rob just pointed out the irony of wishing you a non-negative week whilst simultaneously starting your Tuesday with a negative post.  Touch√©, husband-man. To make up for it, here's an picture of Cypress being adorable. You're welcome.


Uploaded from the Photobucket iPhone App

26 comments:

  1. I think all of them (except for number 6) make you interesting. Seriously, matching towels is overrated. Learning to accept compliments graciously is sign of old age I think. I've finally learned to say thank you when someone compliments me but it took a long time.I used to think it was stuck up to say "Thanks" but it isn't.

    Personally I need to work on drinking more water too! Have a great day

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    1. Thanks for the kind words, friend. :) I think a lot of wisdom comes with getting older. And I think we could all drink more water!

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  2. Here's to being human! I often feel so awkward, myself, and I do some of these same things. Well, all of them except the leftovers! I love leftovers: the only thing better than the first time.... is knowing there's seconds in the fridge for tommorrow! Other than that, I try to live off of coffee instead of water...and that is rarely a good thing.

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    1. There are a few things that taste good leftover, and when I'm on a project and traveling I'll usually eat them more frequently...but at home, fresh dinner is where it's at! haha And it's a good thing I don't like coffee because I'm pretty sure I'd be an addict.

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  3. I do this with criticism too, I am so offended if anyone has anything vaguely negative to say. This is why I don't work well with authority because I think everything is an attack on my character haha, it's so annoying! Also, hodge-podge is difficult to do effectively, you should be pleased with yourself! I'd love to have a hodge-podge look about my things, but I'm so ridiculously, over-organised that everything just looks sterile and too co-ordinated. Don't be annoyed with yourself, you're lovely! (As is your blog layout by the way.)

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    1. I know what you mean--working can be tough for me because every time someone has something constructive to say I dissolve into tears. And thanks for the kind words! I am not sure I do hodge-podge effectively, I think our house just looks cluttered. Also, you are lovely. :)

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  4. Oh, I could have written most of these! Constructive criticism? End of the world. I'm upset? Obviously you'll hate me for it, so get away from me now. I even know that I write well and design well, but find myself comparing my non-success (which is due entirely to my lack of effort) to other people's fame and fortune (which they've gone out and earned). What irrational creatures we are.

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    1. It's true! I think it's natural to compare ourselves to others, but it's how we deal with how it makes us feel that makes all the difference I suppose!

      And you do design and write very well :)

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  5. ewwww....i hate leftovers too! i make peppy eat all of mine. and i totally feel you on the creativity thing. i am a creative person in my head. but nothing ever looks as good on paper (or whatever) as it did in my mind. oh yes, and i definitely take everything personally too. we need some thicker skin over here.

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    1. Thicker skin FTW. Glad someone else feels the same way I do about leftovers. After they've been in the fridge for an hour there's no way I'm eating them. Unless I didn't go to the store.

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  6. Is there anyone who can accept constructive criticism without hearing the negative as if it was being broadcast through a bullhorn? I know I can't. My new year's resolution this year was to accept compliments without giving a sarcastic response. It's not going so well, but my hair looks fabulous today so I'm hoping someone gives me an opportunity to graciously accept a compliment.

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  7. I'm the same about constructive criticism too, unless it's given to me with 85 compliments and worded exactly right. It's a tough pill to swallow, I usually cry about it in secret, shh don't tell anyone.

    If you think your blog looks bad um, check mine out. I made everything in picnik and blogger templates so...

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    1. Haha the other day when I was revamping my blog, I was looking at yours to get ideas! It's symmetrical, simple, and interesting!

      And I'm the same, the person needs to validate me for a good 10 minutes before delivering the blow. I'm also an emotional cryer. I've gotten better at it after being yelled at in my current line of work but I usually go home and cry later.

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    2. I completely feel you on #2. I often look at other blogs and how pretty they are, so professional and well put together. Their lovely DIY projects, their perfect photos. But then I have to check myself and remember: that's just not me, never will be, moving on. I come to your blog because I love it, I love you and your words and your ability to connect with your readers. Who gives a shit what it looks like!

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  8. You may find yourself annoying, but we find you adorable & that should count for something...

    And I'm with you on the water thing-- you'd think something that is good for you would at least try to be interesting. I mean, one might not like the taste of all vegetables, but a least all vegetables taste like something. Water is such a non-entity. Hell, this shouldn't even be on your list-- its water's fault, not yours.

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    1. I know, right?! Ugh I need to start forcing myself to drink it or something. And thanks for the kind words :)

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  9. I think we might be the same person.... like, truly. I always take leftovers home because I don't want people in restaurants to judge me for wasting food. But I NEVER (or rarely) actually touch it again once it's out of that restaurant. I also hate everything I make as far as designs. This is the first time since I started blogging that I'm decently happy with how my blog looks.

    and chocolate milk for the win!!!

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    1. Haha I'm totally the same about the leftovers. Sometimes I'll 'whoops' leave them on the table! Oh dammit. hahah and your blog is adorable and lovely and awesome. Maybe I'll get with you on a blog redesign :)

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  10. Your blog definitely doesn't look like "Cypress ate Photoshop and dafont.com and vomited them up onto your screen".

    Also, water is icky. I don't drink enough of it either. I feel like I will learn one of these days to drink more water!

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    1. Aw you're sweet :) And yes, it's good for us dammit!

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  11. first, i love that picture of you and rob. and yes, cypress, i love the one of you too ;)

    so, you're not allowed to take this comment and make it negative. from me to you: you are an amazing woman who should never change! hand me down towels, lack of creativeness (not really) and poor water drinking and all.

    and, for the record, i also hate leftovers ;)

    xoxo

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    1. Thank you sweet lady :) You are too kind to me!

      Leftovers are awful.

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  12. Duuude, I do #4, too. It's probably the thing I do that annoys me most, but I like it when I see/hear about other people being passive-aggressively distant because I feel partially validated. Sometimes I even take it to a wonderfully awkward physical level and will jump (literally JUMP) out of the way, duck, or otherwise obviously avoid hugs and physical contact that's intended to be comforting.
    I can completely relate to #1, too, especially if it's unsolicited. If I ask for constructive criticism, I'm mentally prepared to handle it because I really want to improve. If not, I take it as an attack and get either sad or angry about it. It makes working normal jobs pretty stressful.

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  13. I suck at taking criticism. SUCK. The conversation will replay in my head over and over and over ugh. It's terrible and I know it's rarely personal but sometimes it just guts me! As for impulse control, totally overrated. When I'm upset I get this awful bitch face. My mouth tenses up and I have to make a conscious effort to relax my face...but within seconds it's back. I'm also terrible at taking compliments, don't drink water, and don't like left overs. As for the creativity thing, I don't think you give yourself enough credit!

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