Wee-oo Wee-oo Body Police!

A few weeks ago in Chicago I was walking down the street in shorts and a t-shirt and a young gentleman stopped me to tell me I that my "tat" was awesome.  I don't mind people looking or making (kind) comments at my tattoos generally so I said thank you with a nervous laugh and kept walking.  He then told me, "it looks so sexy, your legs are so sexy" and proceeded to follow me down the block asking for my name and where I'm from.  I'm embarrassed to tell you that I told him in short one-word answers because I'm a Passive Patsy and suck at telling strangers to fuck right off.

I will stress this again: I really and truly do not mind people coming up to me and complimenting or asking about my tattoos.  In fact, just after my experience with "legs so sexy" guy I had another gentleman tell me that my leg tattoo was beautiful and asked who it had been done by.  No touching, no weird "compliments" about my legs, just genuine human conversation. It's the sexualization of my body by a complete and total stranger and the implied assumption that I'd leap into bed with him for being so complimentary that makes this a whole other beast.

I know that there are those who have experienced much worse than this (I read an article on xoJane about women who've been groped and rubbed against on public transportation, how does this shit happen?!) but it nonetheless got me thinking about the idea of body policing.

This isn't new to me at least since I started getting visible tattoos.  I've been grabbed and my tattoos have been stroked, I guess because people half-expect it to not just feel like skin.  For some reason, people feel that they are entitled and even invited to make comments and invade personal space under the guise of flattery or honesty or some other guise I don't understand.

This isn't new to a lot of friends I have, either.  Like you all I have friends who are short, tall, skinny, overweight, tattooed, non-tattooed, short-haired, and long-haired; no matter what adjective can be nailed to them they still receive unwanted attention, comments, and physical contact. Even online, there is a constant running commentary of what you could possibly be doing right or wrong with your body, be it tattooing your skin, eating too much, eating too little, dressing too provocatively, dressing like a prude, having too much or too little sex.

The only thread that binds this criticism--both positive and negative--is that it is almost uniformly directed toward women.

I doubt I have to tell you that my husband, a combat veteran and wildland firefighter with a kickass set of pecs, has never once been grabbed or stroked for his tattoos or for any other reason. His body has never been commented on in public by a stranger.  No one has ever suggested he lose weight or eat more or be taller or be shorter (all of which has happened to friends of mine).  And if he ever was accosted in such a way, I doubt he'd be expected to take it as complimentary and not just downright fucking weird and invasive. Nor would be considered an uptight asshole if he threatened to punch the person square in the face.

I guess what bothers me about the whole thing is that we as women are taught that we should more or less expect this kind of behavior and that it is our responsibility to take steps to avoid it. I'll be honest that after my run-in with "legs so sexy" I thought to myself, "I really shouldn't wear shorts and a tank top since all my tattoos show and I'm just inviting more harassment from creeps." That is complete and utter bullshit.  As a woman and indeed as a person, I should in theory be able to walk down the street wearing whatever the hell I want without fear of harassment--and if harassment does come, the blame for it should never fall on anyone else's shoulders but the harasser's.

A woman's body is her own, just as a man's body is his own, and we should all have reasonable expectations that our boundaries will be respected.  This is what we need to be teaching our daughters and in particular our sons, for that is where the change will hopefully come in time.

Things I Love Thursday

25 Things You Should Know About Word Choice.

The Ultimate Movie Drinking Game List! I promise I'm not an alcoholic.

25 Rare Photos of Celebrities.

I wish I could take photos like this from a plane.

Check out this 8-year-old banjo player...totally bananas.

Creative Business Cards...these are super cool.

I want to go to there.

Celebrities responding to their own memes (hint: Ryan Gosling adorably responds to "Hey Girl" on #2)

Captivating human body paintings.

How Women Talk about Other Women.

Oh, what's that? You haven't been sufficiently creeped out today? Well, here you go.

I'm still obsessed with xoJane and loved this article written by a wife who is the head of her household.  I've sort of been composing a post about marriage/roles in my head since I read it. I sort of have this dream that xoJane will find me and ask me to write for them because I'm so amazing, except I'm not really soooo you know.

Rob and I made pizza muffins last night and they were delish! If you want to see more of the recipes I've been pinning, check out my Recipes board.

Women set Rick Perry's Facebook page on fire.  Let's get this going, ladies!

Forgive me for including one more xoJane article, but I could really relate to this article on having an obsessive personality. Perhaps it's appropriate that I worded it that way.

I know this is kind of a "well, duh" post, but I enjoyed this article on the Huffington Post in which one of the journalists actually attempted the whole "get drunk with a vodka-soaked tampon" thing.

5 Reasons "The Walking Dead" has to get better. You know, I've liked this season, but this writer had a lot of good points.

Things I Love Thursday

It's that time again, ladies and germs.

I love that my husband was pictured on the homepage of the college he goes to.

We're relatively sure they chose him because he has tattoos. 

5 Things They Never Told Us - an article about becoming an adult and the unexpected trials and tribulations.  It's written really well and definitely made me think.

"Jersey Shore" with British Accents - a bunch of guys reading actual lines from "The Jersey Shore" in the style of Oscar Wilde.

40 Things That Will Make You Feel Old - they most certainly did.  Thanks to Kaelah for this.

A Mother's Journey - photographic essay following a mother whose son is diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer.  Make sure to read the captions, absolutely heartbreaking.

Despite not being religious personally, I always enjoy reading The Brick Testament - Bible stories depicted through Lego men.

Would anyone like to buy me one of these awesome initial necklaces?

I can't seem to stop this dress-buying habit I have developed over the last few months. This dress had great reviews on Modcloth, but we'll see if it's yet another return.

I bought this journal on Amazon - it asks one question a day for a year, then you start all over again the next year and add new answers. There are enough spaces for 5 years of question-answering.  My lovely blog-friend Amber may be participating in this with me too, all the way from Texas!

49-year-old Twilight fan gets HUGE back piece with Twilight actors on it. I don't mean to judge other people's tattoos but I'm going to go ahead and say this is a wee bit ridiculous.  Could be because I hate Twilight.

I absolutely love this Jersey Knit Bracelet tutorial from V and Co - I want to go make these now! (Thanks Holly!)

I really enjoyed this post by Kaelah, "The Power of X," an eloquent response to an article suggesting that girls who like "girly" things like cupcakes and rainbows and puppies are selling themselves short as women. 

You Are Not a Photographer - a blog that chronicles the "fauxtogs" that many of us encounter in our day-to-day lives (you know, the ones that selectively color the crap out of their photos, or shoot only in auto-mode and post everything they ever shoot).  By sharing this I am not trying to suggest that I'm an amazing photographer, just that I don't totally suck and here's proof.

Please don't hate me parents, but I love this blog - STFU Parents.  This Tumblr pokes fun at parents who are extremely obnoxious about their kids on Facebook.  My favorites are the "Mommyjackings" ("You post a status about how your kid can count to ten? Let me comment to tell you that mine was counting and reading before conception." etc.). Before you accuse me of being mean to parents, check this site out.  Some of these women and men post pictures of their children's feces. None of the parents I know that read this blog are remotely as annoying.

Some blogs I'm really enjoying: I love you to the moon, Mowenackie, novarella, and What? Mermaids? - three very lovely ladies. :)

Hope you all have an amazing Thursday!