A Study in Fire Season Playlists

Early on in therapy, before my therapist got to know me pretty well, she suggested soothing music as a way to relax when I was feeling stressed.  For me, however, "soothing" music (which I consider to be of the indie hipster genre...Bon Iver and other insufferably sleepy stuff) actually causes me more anxiety than calm.

When I'm feeling sad or anxious, the best kind of music for me is loud, energetic, and melodic, particularly in the genres of punk, country, and Celtic rock.  I've always had sensitive hearing and tend to shy away from loud sounds, but when I'm feeling off, blasting (and singing along to) awesome music as loud as I can is one of the only things that can actually make me feel better.  I think it's because the loud music drowns out my endless cycle of nasty thoughts, but that's just a guess.  In an attempt to make this process easier, I made myself a "Fire Mix - Happy" playlist for those times when it feels like my brain is working against itself.

All that said, sometimes I just like to listen to sad music and fucking wallow.  I still don't generally listen to sleepy shit, but still, it's music more appropriate for wallowing. I made a playlist for that too - "Fire Mix - Sad."

I wanted to share these playlists with you guys and ask for your advice on any songs you think might fit either of their criteria.

As you can see there's no real consistency in content; the topics of these songs range from drug use and drinking, to infidelity, to losing your job, to plain old absurd nonsense.  It's mostly about the melody and the rhythm, what can I say?

Fire Mix - Happy

1. CCR - "Bad Moon Rising" 

2. CCR - "Out my Back Door"

3. Flogging Molly - "Revolution"

4. Hank Williams III - "Medley: Satan is Real/Straight to Hell"

5. Social Distortion - "Far Side of Nowhere"

6. Social Distortion - "Still Alive"

7.  Social Distortion - "Sick Boys"

8. Social Distortion - "When She Begins"

9. Flogging Molly - "Likes of You Again"

10. Flogging Molly - "Tobacco Island"

11. Hank Williams III - "Smoke and Wine"

12. Hank Williams III - "Crazed Country Rebel"

13. Mike Ness - "Don't Think Twice"

14. Mike Ness - "Ballad of a Lonely Man"

15. Mumford & Sons - "Little Lion Man"

Fire Mix - Sad

1. Dan Andriano in the Emergency Room - "This Light"

2. Gotye - "Somebody that I used to Know"

3. Hank Williams, Jr. (and Sr.) - "Tear in my Beer" (I know, I know)

4. Alkaline Trio - "Fine"

5. The Band Perry - "If I Die Young" (I know)

6. Dan Andriano in the Emergency Room - "Hurricane Season"

7. Social Distortion - "Diamond in the Rough"

8. Social Distortion - "Bakersfield"

9. Nick 13 - "Nighttime Sky"

What music do you guys listen to when you're feeling anxious or sad?

Some Observations You Didn't Ask For

1. My iPod ran out of battery power so while it was charging I had to listen to the radio in the car.  I am one of those people whose brains light the fuck up for catchy, nonsense pop songs, but I gotta say that for the most part the allure of new top 40 music totally eludes me.  For example, I can't stand Adele.  That song where she strains neighs "I set feouririeerr to the reeihghhgghn" literally makes me cringe (it doesn't help that during our 4-day cross country trip I heard this song literally 17 times a day). Someone told me that Adele "strains her alto range" which I think is totally true. She's talented and gorgeous, but I think she makes the blood vessels in my eyes pop.

2. The band One Direction absolutely fascinates me. That "You Don't Know You're Beautiful" song is super catchy but I just find myself totally shocked that manufactured boy bands are, you know, a thing again. Listening to that song I think, "holy shit prepubescent ladies (and some boys I'm sure), how are you not aware at how manufactured these songs are and how obviously they are pandering to you? Christ, none of these boys are even from the same town, they were literally dragged together by a faceless record company solely to cater to your ever-changing tastes!" and then I realize holyfuckingshit, I bought into that shit back in the late 90s with N'Sync and the Backstreet Boys!  The cycle of tween girls falling all over themselves for impossibly attractive early 20-something boys continues.

3. And finally in the "music" category of my crotchety post, how about this song from Karmin?  First off, the male part of Karmin, Nick Noonan, is from Maine and went to a high school from which many of my friends graduated (we also graduated the same year, and I just looked up the girl on the Facebooks and we have a mutual friend).  Anyway I much preferred this band when they were doing silly raps on YouTube rather than the manufactured pop crap they're churning out now, but that "Brokenhearted" song is catchy and as previously mentioned, I'm a sucker for catchy songs.  I've even been singing modifications of it to Cypress using all her nicknames ("I've been waiting allll dayyyy for you to call me Diiiiddllerrrr...Honest, Scrabbler, Iiiii'd doooo anything Dids wannnnts toooooo").  I might be sitting at home alone too much.

4. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said "Report drunk drivers at #DWI" and my first thought was, "the police are monitoring hashtags on Twitter now?"

5. Robbie got called out for the first time yesterday. It was rough, guys. I got the text and immediately burst into tears (yayyy PTSD), then sort of shut down and cleaned for awhile.  I'm better now, and I think it'll get easier, but for now I'm wallowing a little, don't mind me. The upside is that Rob got me the number of a fellow significant other who has one fire season already under her belt.  She's really nice and we texted for a couple of hours last night; I think we're going to get our beasties together this weekend assuming the boys are still gone.

Confession: I Like Shitty Country Music

There are many who may scoff at the idea of driving down the road, blaring twangy, formulaic, nonsensical country songs and totally rocking the fuck out.  If you're my husband, your head probably just exploded after even reading about it.

I've learned to embrace it: I like shitty country music.

Rob likes to say I was "musically abused" as a child, but the fact is my parents just listened to country music a lot because that's all there was.  I grew up in a town of 140 people that at the time had approximately one radio station that came in well, and even that one was based in a town two hours away. That radio station played one thing and one thing only, and that was country.  I won't waste your time with hipster qualifiers like "it was only real country like Johnny Cash*," this was the country that everyone refers to when they say, "I like all music...except for country."

I know every single word to most of Alabama's songs (especially this one, which I'm totally listening to right now).  Tim McGraw's song "Can't be Really Gone" still makes me cry just as it did when I was 9 years old and my best friend had just passed away.  The first non-Raffi song I can actually remember enjoying was a Hank Williams Jr. song and when I rediscovered it a few months ago I listened to it approximately 10 times in a single day. The first cassette tape I ever owned was Lorrie Morgan. I went ballistic when last fall GMC had a week-long series devoted to the best country songs of the 1990s--and I could sing every last one. When my iPod is dead and won't play in my car, I find a country station; I may roll my eyes at lines like "go together like a pair of bookends," but secretly my blood is pumping, both to the older songs from the 1990s and more recent ones.

Country music is the music I grew up to. It's the music I bonded with my sisters over as we were dancing to "Romeo"in our living room.  It's the music that defined various life events for me.  It's the music that reminds me of my dad and my mom, and the music I'm sure will make me think of them long after they are gone.

Though I wouldn't admit it at the time, it's the music that I turned to when I fell in love with Rob.

Rob's trying to shake the love of country music out of me.

It's also the music I forsook in fourth grade when I changed schools and most of my new friends hated it.  I pretended to like rap and also went through an embarrassingly obsessive period with the Beatles, which was more about trying to be unique and interesting among my fifth grade peers than an actual love for the music.  It wasn't until high school when I met my unrepentant music snob husband that I opened the door to music that had some of the same qualities as country, but admittedly with a lot more talent and soul (like this and this). This music now makes up the bulk of what I listen to.

Modern country is saccharine and terribly written and cliched, I know you guys. I know it's basically pop music with a southern accent and a steel guitar.  The model upon which country music is built is by far a model that I think should be replicated; attractive men and women are essentially plucked from various sources, trained to hold a guitar and fed songs about Amurrica and small towns and lovin' one another and the flag and the flag troops.  Some of it could even be considered downright offensive (if you can't stand it that long, fast forward to 2:24 for the "reggae" breakdown). Though I think these conventions aren't unique to country music, they somehow seem more obvious and to many, less forgivable.

Putting all of this aside, I still rock out to it and it still makes me happy. Though for a long time I felt shame for my affinity toward country music--helped in no small part by my husband's incessant mockery--as I've gotten older I've begun to slowly pad my iTunes collection with songs from my childhood and new country songs I have found in my covert car missions.  Rob may always skip past them on my iPod when we're driving, but I know they're there if I ever want a trip down nostalgia avenue.

So here we are, friends. My name is Caitlin, and I like country music. And if I don't express much enthusiasm your Bon Iver-packed playlists, it's because I'm probably too busy listening to "Honky Tonk Ba-Donka-Donk" and "Hillbilly Bone."**

*For the record, I also really really like Johnny Cash and so-called "real" country. Also, bluegrass is the shit.
**Also for the record, I know these songs are objectively terrible, but you can't deny that they're catchy as hell.

Santa Fe Wins Another Battle, Caitlin Wins the War

Some of you will probably remember about the cactus spine that got stuck in my finger and that necessitated a trip to the ER.  I finished my ten days of antibiotics and pain relief and though the infection died down, the swelling and redness around the spine remained. And remained, and remained.

I had an appointment with my new doctor anyway so I mentioned it offhand. She contacted a colleague who does orthopedic surgery and after an ultrasound (weirdest thing ever, and Rob wouldn't stop making references to my "finger baby") I had an appointment to get it surgically removed tomorrow.  I figured they'd only do another round of local anesthesia, but the doctor told me that they're planning on giving me "relaxing" medication as well and I get to choose how "relaxed" I get!  Score! I hate needles and tend to get kind of shaky/tense so I'm glad I don't have to stress about them.  And Rob's going to drive me around so, all in all, should be a good day.

It was a pretty stressful day, since Rob pulled some crazy muscle in his back and couldn't really move, and we had to drive all the hell around to different appointments in preparation for my surgery tomorrow. I also have had a ton of work projects piling up.

But all that melted away as my husband cooked us an outdoor dinner on the grill (spinach-feta-onion turkey burgers and grilled corn on the cob), Social Distortion blaring on the computer and sun shining in through the open back door.  Even though I was getting some work done while he did this, it still made me so happy to think about how kickass it is to live together and enjoy these small moments. Plus I can't be stressed at that work space.

Oh, and we got to open up the Disney window today!

I hope you're all having a great week so far!

Guest Post: Jess's Holiday Playlist

While Rob and I are on vacation in Florida I thought I'd share some awesome blog writers with you.  This is my first guest post extravaganza so I hope you enjoy!  First up is Jess, who is one of my favorite bloggers ever.  I love her sense of humor and reading about her family (especially her adorable son Wyatt...baby fever!). I'm sure you already know she exists but if not, check her out.  And have her make a banner for your blog, because she does GREAT work (see my banner)! :)

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Hey there! I'm Jess from IROCKSOWHAT and I'm so happy to be guest posting on To Make Love Stay. And since we're already in full swing of the holidays, I thought it'd be cool to share my favorite holiday songs! These are all very classy and therefore should be listened to while walking around with wine.

That's a Good Band Name

Confession: I have a tendency to latch on to a particular phrase for anywhere from a month to several years.  I'll find a way to work that phrase into just about any situation, including client meetings. 

My husband and I said "shut it down!" about 70 times in reference to a friend of ours who was having relationship troubles the other day.

The most recent refrain to be heard in our house is, "That would be a great band name."

So far, here are our great band names:

1. Snuggling Scritious (one of Cypress's many nicknames)
2. Rumrunners, Bootleggers & Moonshiners (History Channel, what what?)
3. Fish Winterkill (Heard this at one of Rob's science geek presentationy things)
4. Source of Truth (I actually told a client this would be a good band name when he said it)
5. Masycoom (a good Captcha I got one day...I think this would be best for an Indie band)
6. Bitch Triangle (thanks Nova!)
7. Social Astronomy (my husband is a nerd and reads Discovery News every day)

If any of you are inspired to start a band you officially have my permission to use any of the above names. Except maybe the last one, that's not mine.

How is your week going?  Any plans for the weekend?  Rob and I are going camping this weekend with my sister and some friends and I am so excited.

Also, does anyone have any questions for me that could be answered in a vlog? I know I just requested questions a few weeks ago, but I really don't want to just talk about anything because trust me that would be dangerous. 

Don't forget to enter my giveaway! Only one more day to enter!

Why I can never be a Studio Singer

One of the things that positively baffles my husband is the fact that I have extremely sensitive hearing and yet cannot understand approximately 85% of lyrics that I hear.  It's such a frequent occurrence that it's become a running joke with us on every car trip.

I wanted to share with you some of my greatest hits, so to speak:

"Lodi" by Creedence Clearwater Revival
Original line: Oh lord, stuck in Lodi again.
Caitlin's line: Oh lord, sucking on old diaphragms.

(...the muscle, not the contraceptive, perverts)


"Bad Moon Rising" by Creedence Clearwater Revival
Original line: There's a bad moon on the rise.
Caitlin's line: There's a bathroom on the right.

(To be fair, I've heard that this is a pretty common one)


"Reach for the Sky" by Social Distortion
Original line: Reach for the sky, 'cause tomorrow may never come.
Caitlin's line: Reach for the sky, 'cause tomorrow, they never come.

(Listen to it here, around 0:57)


"Story of My Life" by Social Distortion
Original line: I didn't have much interest in sports or school elections
Caitlin's line: I didn't have much interest in sports or school erections


(haha...erection.)

(Listen to it here, 0:43)


"When She Begins" by Social Distortion*
Original line: Man I was just looking for a place for this raggedy ol' heart of mine.
Caitlin's line: Man I was just looking for a place a higgedy rattamine.

(Listen to it here, 3:23)

The last lyric in particular demonstrates the fact that if I can't understand a lyric I generally make up nonsense words that vaguely approximate the sounds of the words and belt that out just as loud as the rest of the song. And I find nothing wrong with that.

If Rob is listening and I don't want him to be made aware of the fact that I don't know a particular lyric, I'll simply start adding in my own lyrics about our dog or intentional nonsense lyrics based on our dog's nicknames, like "diddly derp derp scrab."  Then he does it back and I don't look like I'm the only idiot in the car.

Makes total sense, right?

As an aside, I put the query out on Twitter on Monday asking if anyone else had this issue, and my good friend Katie told me that she always thought that "Pour some sugar on me" was "First come to the I love." Rob and I were extremely skeptical until we listened to it and now we can't get the line out of our heads. If you don't believe me that it sounds exactly like "first come to the I love," here's proof at around 1:28...

Katie, I'm glad I'm not the only one!

Oh, and good luck trying to unhear any of these lyrics should you hear these songs in the near future.

P.S. Have you entered my handmade mobile giveaway yet?!

*Rob wants me to note that we performed "When She Begins" together at our wedding and at that time had no idea what the lyrics were.

A Playlist for your Monday

Let me preface this playlist with two points.  First, my musical taste is all over the map. I grew up without a lot of exposure to music types outside of generic pop and pop-infused country (Tim McGraw and the like), so the task fell to my darling husband to educate me.  As a result, my music tastes more or less mirror his.  We both have a strong pull toward music that has meaning for one or the both of us, or as Rob puts it, the music has to have "soul." For me, that meaning can be something actually meaningful or it can be a really strong desire to dance. Regardless, I know what I like when I hear it.

Second, since I was a wee babe I have had extremely sensitive ear-holes (pretty sure that's the scientific name).  When driving in the car the music never exceeds a volume of 14 or 15*. The songs I have compiled below are all songs that I have and do crank up to volumes of 35 or 40. Seriously guys. I also belt them out as loud as humanly possible.

I also want to note that from what I've seen, my musical tastes deviate from those of many bloggers I read.  I hope you'll listen with an open mind because there is no Bon Iver in this playlist (seriously, did I miss some sort of blog memo on Bon Iver? I see that band everywhere in this here blogosphere).

For those of you who cannot see the below playlist, here is a list of the songs.  You can find most of them on YouTube/Amazon/iTunes.

Diamond in the Rough//Social Distortion

Fields of Athenry//Dropkick Murphys

Don't Think Twice//Mike Ness

Forever Fades Away//Tiger Army

Far Side of Nowhere//Social Distortion

Dine, Dine My Darling//Alkaline Trio

Likes of You Again//Flogging Molly

Peacemaker//Green Day

Sick Boys//Social Distortion

*The volume on my car stereo has to be an even number or a number ending in 5 or 0. Don't judge me.

Some Letters I've Been Meaning to Write II

Dear Weather,

Please stop with the 50-degree, rainy days.  It's May. I want warm and happy and sunny and lovely.  I'm on a lovely campus this week and I'd love to frolic about.

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Dear Windshield Wipers,

I would appreciate it if you would move to the beat of the song I'm listening to both more often and for longer periods of time.

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Dear Sneezes,
 
I take far too much a rational amount of pleasure when you occur on the downbeat of a song, particularly on that downbeat between a verse and the start of a chorus.
 
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Dear Radio Station here in Rochester,
 
You have to be the most random radio station ever. I heard "Baby's Black Balloon" twice in the last few days, along with RHCP, 1990s Alanis Morrisette, and some other unidentifiable crap.  Please play consistently good songs.
 
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Dear Hotel Restaurant,
 
Drinks were delicious but I've been reacting all day from the chicken you served me.  I would ask that your chefs look into gluten-free dining for the sake of your hotel guests.
 
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Dear Myself,
 
It was really stupid of you to eat the chicken that the hotel restaurant served you, especially when the waitress implied that panko breadcrumbs might be okay and then offered you rolls (sidenote: there were no breadcrumbs on my chicken).  Let's both hope that the gluten-free menu at tonight's restaurant is reliable.
 
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Dear TBS,

Family Guy, the Office, and Seinfeld reruns are good. Conan is good.  "King of Queens" and anything by Tyler Perry is freaking stupid.  Please become cognizant of these facts and offer me programming that does not totally suck.

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Dear Robbie,
 
I hope you know how happy it makes me when I get random texts from you that say no more than "Mewf!" particularly because I know that texting on your circa-2003 flip phone is an arduous affair.  Thank you for brightening my day.
 

Love,  

Caitlin xoxo