An Apology of Sorts

I know I said a few months ago that I was going to stop apologizing for, well, everything, but I've been re-reading some posts over the last day or so and I was really surprised at how negative everything was.  For those of you who keep coming back, thank you for tolerating all my swearing and whining and frustration.  I see this as a really safe space but sometimes I think I overdo it a bit, and your understanding means the world to me.

Look! A cute picture of my dog!

Things I've Been Doing

Well I've just passed through another blogging dry spell.  I have an excuse this time, which is that I spent the week in Chicago for work, and what a ridiculous, stressful week it was.  By the time I flew back (yesterday) I literally could not form a coherent thought because my brain was so fried.  Also, my brain sucks and refuses to allow me to sleep in past 7:30am even when I get home from the airport at 2am, so this post might definitely will have some incoherence left over from last night. My apologies.

I could go into what we spent all our days doing there but I really couldn't do so without context.  I've considered for awhile writing a post about what I do for work, but I'm not sure if that would even be all that interesting to read. I get asked about it a lot actually and it requires like a minute-long spiel to explain it.

Came up with an idea to hide tattoos: BOOTS AND CARDIGANS. WIN.

Anyway, work was really stressful. We worked 8 or 9 hour days all week (including a Sunday) and had working lunches every day, and since there weren't a lot of gluten-free options in the immediate vicinity I had to eat salads, potato chips and candy while everyone else ate Chicago-style pizza and sandwiches from Jimmy John's. I don't mind all that, but eating a salad in the face of yummy pizza can be pretty demoralizing after awhile. Plus the very nature of a project go-live is such that everyone's running around like headless chickens and everything feels really chaotic.  It was great to not worry about life at home for awhile, but still, it was pretty exhausting.

The upside to being in Chicago was that I got to meet up with a few friends I haven't seen since college, which was really, really awesome and a great way to end my day.  I ate at the same Mexican restaurant every night, which was yummy but dangerous because at one point they tried to serve me flour tortillas, and I seriously almost ate them.  If my friend Jessica, whose mother has celiac disease, hadn't pointed out to me that they were clearly flour tortillas I totally would've nommed on them and then vomited all over my hotel room.  Can't take that shit for granted I suppose.  I also got sexually harassed on the street so I think I got the full city-living experience.

Rob's been gone since Friday, July 20. The Thursday prior to that we got a call at around 4:30pm from his squad leader saying that they had to go in by 7:30 as they were heading off to Colorado.  I guess I underestimated how burned out I was, since I was surprised at the extent to which I totally fucking broke down.  I cried and I couldn't even look at Rob, couldn't even conceive of the fact that we had a weekend evening ripped from us and were facing yet another 14 days apart with minimal communication, and that led me down the rabbit hole of just being so fucking frustrated that my husband picks "lifestyle" jobs instead of just normal boring shit like everyone else.  Have you ever read the story "The Rocket Man" by Ray Bradbury? It feels like that sometimes. Luckily the call got cancelled, so we had the night together, but goodbye in the morning was tough.  As was the next 5 days we went with one or two text exchanges and one phone call.

But I'm here, and we're on day 7 or 8 or who-fucking-cares-because-it-always-changes of the roll so at least we're on the downward slope.  And let's just say I've earned my Saturday, which will be spent in my brand-new hammock with a margarita and a massive collection of Ray Bradbury short stories.

AND NOW MORE PHOTOS:

Lobby of the hotel we stayed in.


View from the room we spent all week working in.




The aforementioned new hammock. I really can't even describe how excited about this I am.

Links from Another Dimension

The Ultimate Assault: Charting Syria's Use of Rape to Terrorize its People.

EMERGENCY TATTOO!

Why Millenial Women Don't Want to Lead.

The "busy" trap. Thanks to a college friend, Susanna, for these last two links.

Geology: surprisingly erotic.

The Competition is Killing Us: When Social Media Makes You Feel Like Crap.

Individualism in Overdrive.  Very interesting article about "me first" ideology.

Take the 1930s Marital Scale Test to find out if you would have been considered a good spouse in the 1930s. For your reference, I received a score of -7 (Very Poor - Failure). Funny, that was in my wedding vows!

What's Wrong with #firstworldproblems.

28 Sexy Pictures of Older Actors When They Were Young. I'd do all of them, ladies included. Especially John Slattery, but I'd probably do him now too. (via Nova)

Video games vs. real life.

If Video Game Characters Got the Deaths They Deserve.

This is fucking depressing: Rich Kids of Instagram.

Meet the woman with 500 life-like horror dolls that she treats like real babies.

This story about helping a deaf and blind man cross the street totally warmed my heart. So beautiful. (via Suzy and Nova)

9 Great Non-Believers in U.S. History.

This might be the best headline ever: 600-Year-Old Bra and Underwear Discovered in Austrian Castle.

25 Best Pieces of Breaking Bad Fan Art.

I feel like this could come in handy: Icon Finder.

L-O-V-E makes the world go W-E-I-R-D.

Um, what?

These bikers help abused children feel safe. How sweet and awesome is this?

Hyper-realistic finger painted portraits.

The 50 Cutest Things That Ever Happened. (via Nova)

Drag Queens: Before and After.  Thanks to my friend Karen for this!

Hilarious and adorable: a 6-year old judges books by their covers. (thanks Meg!)

Operation: Pimp our Patio

I'll go ahead and grant credit for this title to Liz, because she came up with it for me on Twitter.

One of my favorite things about the house we live in is our awesome little patio; not only does it have an amazing view, it also is wonderfully private and secluded.  Unfortunately none of the hodgepodge of furniture that came with the house was comfortable enough to use out there, and the desert sun of the dry season made it absolutely unbearable to be out for even a few minutes.

Before Rob left for a staging roll last week, he mentioned to me that he wanted to totally trick out the patio now that it's cooled down and now that we have a solid set of friends we could actually invite over to enjoy it.  After visiting a friend' house and laying in her hammock I mentioned that we should, indeed, get a hammock for it too.

Last night we strung up some pretty lights, pruned the trees, cleaned up some of the spider webs and various debris and began the process of making our patio awesome.  I'm waiting for the hammock to come (and I swear to god I'm going to lay in it every single day), but we set up both table/chair sets and the fire pit in a way that is conducive to having friends over.  We also cleaned the cushions on a chair-swing thing that came with the place and started sweeping up the pine needles and ant hills.

Robbie left again this morning (fucking lame) and will most likely be gone for his full 14 day roll (bittersweet), and I'm heading to Chicago for work tomorrow.  But we decided that when we're both finally home we will finish it all up and hopefully spend every night out there.  I seriously can't wait to lay in the hammock and just look at the stars together, guys.  Seriously.

I'm not one to share DIY or LOOK WHAT WE DID posts, but I'm really excited about this.  We've never had such an awesome outdoor space that didn't come with a million mosquitoes and I am so ready to enjoy it.

Here are some photos of the project so far if you're interested:

Featured on Texas Lovebirds

Today I'm over at Carly's blog, Texas Lovebirds, talking about what it's like to be married to a firefighter.  Click the picture below to check out what I have to say and to say hello!

Why My Dog and I are the Same Person

I remember a few months ago or so, my mother-in-law told me that Cypress and I were one of those dog-owner duos that resemble each other.  Honestly I think it's the wide-eyed stare and near-constant anxiety.  And maybe the drool.

Today I had to take Cypress to the vet for a dental procedure--essentially they knocked her the hell out and then chipped away the tartar that's built up on her teeth.  In the long-term this will help prevent infections that can stem from tooth decay and also from all her teeth rotting out of her skull.  As I dropped her off I realized that Cypress and I have a lot more in common emotionally than I feel most people should have with their dogs.

I just realized that all of these have to do with anxiety.  Telling, eh?

1. For one, Cypress and I both anticipate upcoming events. When it's time to walk, and we haven't left yet, Cypress will pace, stare, and generally act panicky until we've left.

2. We both need to be "hugged" or snuggled when we're feeling unstable. For Cypress, she wedges herself between my knees when she starts to feel anxious.  I personally make Rob hug me for an awkward amount of time.

3. Our minds race when we feel worried.  Obviously I can't really speak to Cypress's mind since, you know, she's a dog, but I can tell by her manic reactions that she must have a similar thought process as me.

4. Our go-to stress reaction is to cry.  For Cypress this comes out more as a crazed whine, but maybe other people would say the same of me.

5. Our anxiety builds off the anxiety of the other one.  If Cypress is uncomfortable (like today, as she recuperates) I can feel my heart pounding.  Cypress can feel my worry from the other room and will usually react accordingly.

6. We both think that Rob is pretty much the best thing ever. Like seriously, ever.

7. We both have really nice eyebrows...and now, nice clean teeth!

A Post About Nothing

I am officially not going to stress about to coherence of this post.  And if you make it through it, I will reward you with a photo of a bunny.

Can anyone else believe that this summer is almost halfway over? I've been feeling really conflicted about this fact, since summer is my favorite season but winter this year means that I'll have Rob all to myself for 6 straight months.  Plus we're planning some pretty badass activities (including a possible trip to Europe, maybe a few new tattoos, a cross-country drive to Maine for a month or so, and lots of snuggles) so for the first time since childhood I have some very positive associations with winter.

Robbie and I were talking the other day about how despite the fact that we've been apart before, and that we have been apart for most of this summer, it never gets easier being away from each other.  Quite  to the contrary, actually, it seems to get more difficult. Rob is of the mind that it's impossible to really "get used" to something like this and that it's more likely that we're just getting more burned out and more tired.  Makes sense, I suppose. I know a lot of people think it's ridiculous that two people could be so attached to one another, but it's just how we are.  Neither of us have felt a need to spend time away from the other or ever needed a break, ever.  The man's my best friend and I think I could spend every second with him.

I know it sounds like everything is all doldrum-y sadness around these parts but that's far from the truth.  It's difficult but I've been keeping busy and hanging out a lot with awesome new friends, as well as planning some trips for the end of this summer (get ready, Michelle and Lindsey!).  My friend Amie is coming to stay with us for awhile in early September, and we're planning on checking out the Grand Canyon and California once Robbie's done with fire season.  All in all, despite the difficulty, I think I will be able to confidently say that 2012 was a great summer.

You know what my favorite part of the X-Files is? Seeing all the outdated technology and shitty special effects.  I saw Scully typing away on what appeared to be a laptop, but when they showed the blue screen with DOS font I realized that it was just a word processor.  Isn't it crazy to think that I carry around a super-computer in my hand that can do more than the machines that were used to power space shuttles not all that long ago? Sometimes I like to imagine what our world would look like to a person from, say, 1950, who just magically appeared here.  Something like Star Trek used to, I would imagine. Oh, you want to hear any fucking song in the world? Here, let me do that for you.  Want to communicate with someone 10,000 miles away in real time? NBD motherfucker. Am I the only one that thinks this kind of stuff?

Well there you go, a post that I didn't stress at all about.  And since I'm a girl of my word: