Whole Again

Robbie is home and I couldn't be happier.

I drove to pick him up at Manchester Airport (around 3 hours from here) on Monday.  When I was 20 minutes away Rob called to tell me that his flight from Newark, which was due to leave at 9:30pm, was actually not leaving until 11:30pm for absolutely no reason at all.  All I can say is thank the lord for iPads and 30 Rock on Netflix, because or else I would've spent my four-hour wait walking back and forth across the airport and watching TSA agents laze around like there's no tomorrow.

Pictured above: a face that proves how much Tina Fey Liz Lemon and I have in common.

Anyway Rob arrived and as goofy as it sounds, I had a big-ass grin plastered on my face from the moment I saw him come down the stairs until we arrived home.  The three-hour drive went by so quickly because we spent the entire time laughing and catching up again.  I'm not sure how I didn't pass out but we made it home at around 4:30am and snuggled like crazy...at least until my husband got too warm and banished me to my side of our double bed.


I know you guys, he was only gone for like five days.  But we agreed that out of all the times we've been apart since he got out of the Army, this felt the most like an Army separation.  He had a great time at Fire Camp (and totally kicked ass, naturally) but the atmosphere and the activity had him feeling like he was in Basic again.  I could tell that he was really happy to be home.

He was even happier when I brought Cypress home from the kennel today, though maybe not as excited as Cypress was.

Rob's trip to Fire Camp made me feel a little nervous about what's coming for us this fire season.  He'll be called out for indeterminate amounts of time with minimal to no cell reception and chances are, I'll be spending a fair amount of the summer alone.  It's nothing like the Army, or a deployment, but after close to 4 years of seeing each other most days, I know it'll be a relearning process. I'm having a lot of conflicting feelings about it and I've been trying to sort it all out.  I'm going to need to relearn how to be alone, and how to be happy while being alone even when I'm missing my other half. 

But I don't have to think about that for awhile.  So I'm just going to enjoy the fact that my little family is physically whole again, at least for now.

I know I do this a lot, but I want to apologize for the lack of real posts lately.  It's been a lot of "here's what we're doing, isn't that fun?" Also, because I'm feeling anxious, I apologize for apologizing.  And so on.

I hope you are all having a great week so far!

Sisters' Weekend

First of all, as always, thank you guys for your sweet comments on my last post.  I know that sometimes I can be incessantly whiny when it comes to my husband so your tolerance is much appreciated.

This weekend was a much-needed respite from my few days of loneliness. On Thursday and Friday I sat in on a class for work, and I'm not sure why but I have a terrible time focusing in an LVC (online class) so I tend to get easily distracted by Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.  I made it though and got a lot of good information.

Also, I drew some shower art on one of our breaks so that Robbie would have something fun to see when he comes home.

Finally the class ended on Friday, just in time for my sister Ashleen and my niece to arrive at my door.  I stuffed my niece full of icing-covered brownies (like a good aunt should) and we were off on our way to my mother's house, who was watching Brielle for the weekend, to meet up with Megan.

My sister Megan, as most of you know, has an adorable little studio in Boston that I rather enjoy visiting when 1) I want to see her and/or 2) want a taste of city life.  Now that my niece is older and it's easier for Ashleen to leave her with family for extended periods, we've been trying to hang out at Megan's and enjoy time together.

On the first day we went to IKEA and holy schnikees you guys, why didn't anyone tell me how amazing it is?! I wanted every goofy little room setup we saw.  The most exciting part of the trip, however, was that I found a new table for Robbie and I.  Our current table is a hand-me-down, is ugly, and is rather big and obnoxious to transport.  We thought it'd be perfect to buy one at IKEA since the boxes are compact and easy to move.  I don't have a picture of the table but you can see it here.

By far the strangest development of the day, though, was the temperature. If you don't live in the Northeast, let me stress to you that it never gets into the 60s in January.  Honestly I think this has literally happened one other time in my life.

And though 60 degrees feels pretty cold in August, let me tell you that it feels downright tropical in January.

Anyway that night we went out to a little restaurant called Davoli's and got yummy drinks and delicious food.  My dad had texted us earlier asking us casually where we were going, and used that information to call the restaurant and pay for our meal.  How sweet is that, right?! I love my dad.

Also, check out how much of a classy bitch I am.

 

I know, I know, pictures aren't all the same width.

On Sunday we did lots of shopping which was bad for my bank account but great for my closet.  I just love H&M, as a side note. 

Ashleen and I got back to my house late, made dinner and crashed with my niece.  She left early this morning for work and I've been sitting in on yet another class, in between folding laundry, closet-purging and trying on a few of my new outfits:

Birds on belted dresses? Ironic "vintage" sweatshirts? I'm such a hipster.

Anyway, it was a lovely weekend spent with two of my very favorite people.  I'm really going to miss them when I leave for Santa Fe, especially because Ashleen hates planes and likely won't be in a hurry to come visit me.

I'm leaving for the airport in about an hour to pick up my husband.  He did very well at Fire Camp and made a few new friends, just as I expected him to, but he is more than ready to come home.  He told me it felt a lot like Basic training and he feels like he's been away from home for months.  I wholeheartedly concur.

Well friends, I hope you had a lovely weekend and an even better week ahead.

Bacheloretting it Up & Other Thoughts

...This post might be kind of boring and pointless. But that isn't totally surprising, right?

On Tuesday Robbie and I drove to a hotel in Manchester, New Hampshire so he could be ready to fly out at 6 a.m. the following day.  Since we passed the only Chipotle in Maine we of course had to go, and once we were at the hotel we of course had to snack on more crap (this is almost all my influence, by the way):



And here is a gratuitous picture of Robbie hiding from my camera snuggling in our hotel bed:

We got up at around 3:45 am (gross).  For my part, I was stressed about getting gas the next day (don't ask) so I'd hardly even slept at all.  I dropped Rob off and made the long drive back home.

Since we had taken Cypress to daycare for our overnight trip, I came home to a pretty cold, empty house, and it made me sad.  But I eventually got some work done, and had a delicious dinner of vegetarian burgers with my friend Sarah, her girlfriend Ashleigh, and their rugby buddy, which cheered me up quite a bit.

Yesterday was my first full day alone.  I picked up my needy beast, ate take-out gluten-free pizza and made brownies with icing after sitting in a class all day. I wish Cypress would be more of a therapy dog, but her anxiety actually builds off my anxiety and my sadness, so she usually just ends up staring at me all day.  Kind of counter-productive, eh?

First off, I'm sorry that those pictures aren't all the same width. If I've learned one thing from "how to blog" posts it's that your pictures should all be the same width, but I just can't be bothered to edit these. I hope your eyes can stand it.

I'm not sure what it is about Robbie being gone, but when he's not here I feel like...half of myself, I guess.  I feel less sure of myself, clumsier, and more forgetful.  Does anyone else feel like that? I hate to admit it because I'm pretty sure it makes me a codependent weirdo, but if I can be honest anywhere it's on my blog so there you have it.  I feel like this post, in all its incoherent majesty, is reflective of where my mind is right now--disjointed is the word that comes to mind.

I know what you're thinking--codependent weirdo.  And I know, I totally am.  It's something that I've tried to work on particularly in the years since we moved in together.  I used to be really good at being alone when Rob was in the Army, but once he got out it's like I turned into this blathering mass of neediness.  What's bizarre is, when he leaves it's as though my mind accepts that he's gone for good or at least a long time.  I see his car and have to stop myself from feeling all nostalgic and saying to myself  "I remember when we drove to ___ in that Jeep".  He's not dead, and he's not gone for longer than five days.  So why can't I just shut my mind up and be normal, dammit?

Also, in perfect technological timing, his phone totally died today. Luckily he was able to call me before this happen and warn me, or else I would've been absolutely hysterical when he didn't call.  I guess I should look at it as a learning experience, especially since with his new job he'll be gone for weeks at a time with potentially no cell phone reception whatsoever.  I've said it before but the man is damn good at finding new and creative ways for us not to see or talk to each other (I kid, I kid). 

I guess "incoherence" is the word of the year so far in 2012 on this here blog.  I apologize for the disjointed and whiny thought process, but I appreciate your willingness to listen.

Do you have any plans for the weekend? I'm going to my sister's apartment in Boston today and staying there until Sunday!

Things I Love Thursday

Check out this 86 year old's awesome rage comic.  Click the link and then click the image to magnify.

Loved reading The Bloggess's honest account of her recent bout with depression.

A list of Don'ts for Women on Bicycles, c. 1895. Thanks to Megan, my darling sister, for this!

Loved this article and this couple: Navigating Love and Autism.

This story about an older brother defending his younger brother to their intolerant father just warmed my heart. I super hope that it's real. Thanks for this too, Megan!

How to Explain Gay Rights to an Idiot.

12 Things Happy People do Differently.

Check out this awesome old school bus turned into a tiny house! I'd totally live there! (Thanks, Lauren!)

If you don't follow Margaret and Helen's blog, you definitely should.

I love Stephen Colbert.

This is pretty sad...and quite the commentary on American society and culture: Comparing U.S. & World Covers for TIME Magazine.

Tipping etiquette around the world.

Back to the Future: really, really cool photography project.

What are you loving this Thursday?

Not-so-Coherent Thoughts on New Beginnings

I realized that most of my posts over the last few days have touched on the new year quite a bit, probably to the point that you're wondering when I'll just shut up and deal with the fact that it's 2012.  I don't blame you, I'm kind of wondering the same thing.

Is it weird to say that 2012 just feels different? I feel like there are big things happening this year; not necessarily bad or good, just big.  And minus the move and all the challenges it will bring, I have no idea what any of these changes will be.

Because 2012 feels different so far, I want to be different in response.  I want to not be so quick to anger or frustration at tiny things, I want to not allow those in my life who seek to hurt or overcompensate have an irrational effect on me, I want to be the absolute best wife and friend I can be.

2011 was the first year I ever really engaged in therapy, and though I struggle every day, it was as though a light switch came on in my head.  It's a double-edged sword, developing insight into your own thoughts, and it can often be even more stressful than the original anxiety.

Earlier today I caught myself getting frustrated at losing a Words with Friends game (lifelong competitiveness, it's tough to stop) and I wondered why these sorts of things bug me so much. Why do I let tiny, meaningless frustrations dominate my demeanor and my mood?  Why, in these moments, can I not see the proverbial forest through the trees?

By way of another example, the other day my friend Amie, who has an interest in spirituality and astrology, read some astrological information relative to each of our birthdays from a big book with each day of the year.  Mine was kind of hit-or-miss, but Rob's was absolutely dead-on.  And though neither of us believe in astrology to any great extent (or any extent at all), it really hit home to me how though I know Rob very well after nine years together, there's still so much more to learn about him.  I've done both him and me a disservice by not spending more time learning more every day about my husband.  I don't mean to say that we don't communicate, but as with any marriage, we can always communicate more.

So in response to 2012's brash arrival, I will work toward being the best possible person I can be.  To not make everything about me, and to spend time focusing on what really matters.

And if you made it through that semi-incoherent post, I admire you.

Some 2012 Bits and Pieces

First off, thanks for all your comments on my New Year's post! I hope I get to know all of you better in 2012.  I'm pretty excited to kick off another year of blogging.

I've been wanting to blog lately since I feel like I haven't actually written anything of substance in a month or so.  Sadly I'm sort of at a loss of what to write and how to do it coherently, and what do I do when that happens? A bulleted post!

1. Does anyone else play Words with Friends? It's a word game, for smart people.** My username is tomakelovestay so if you want an easy win, play Scrab-whoops, I mean, Words with Friends, with me.

2. On Wednesday Rob flies to Colorado for Fire Camp, a four-day class that will prepare him for his new job as a Hotshot.  I keep calling it "Fire Camp" because I like imagining him singing goofy camp songs and sitting around campfires.  Maybe I'll send him a giant care package with candy and Pop-Tarts.  Anyway for some reason I'm okay with being away from home, but it's really hard on me when Rob is gone.  I'm dreading it but at the same time sort of excited about the "me" time.

3. To keep me distracted my friend Sarah and her girlfriend Ashleigh said they'd make me dinner! Very excited.

4. I'm also spending the weekend in Boston with my two sisters.  We're going to eat yummy food, drink yummy drinks, and I will earn my Ikea stripes.  I'm hoping to find a table that we can easily bring with us when we move.

5.  Ugh, the move.  I'm at a point now, similar to when I was planning our wedding, where I can't actually execute anything for a few more weeks.  I can't place serious apartment inquiries until two weeks from now, since we'll be making our 4-day trip within the 3rd week of February, and I can't really pack since we still need a lot of the stuff we'd in theory be packing.  I hate this limbo period.

6. Last night we saw "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." I hated the book, full disclosure, so I didn't have much hope for this.  However, I was pleasantly surprised, and now I think that the story is just better suited for a movie than a book.  I could've done without the really, really graphic rape scene (which is meticulously detailed in the movie. I am not a prude but this went a little too far for my taste) but otherwise I think it was quite well-done.

7. If you followed me on Instagram, here's some of the images you would've seen this week:

Pretty adorable little family I have, eh?

How is your week so far?

**SNL Alec Baldwin reference.

Our New Year in iPhone Pictures

You know, I don't think I have ever been to an adult New Year's Eve gathering with more than 5 or 6 people.  A few years ago Rob and I rang in the new year with his mother in Florida, as we watched a Law and Order marathon and drank champagne.  This is how exciting we are.

But really, we aren't big party people, so this is for the best.

This year, like the last few, we spent the holiday at Rob's brother's house.  My sister-in-law and I are close so we always have fun drinking and playing games together (usually Apples to Apples).

This is what I wore!

When we first drove to their house we decided to eat at the China Din-ah, which contrary to what you are probably thinking is not a Chinese restaurant but just a restaurant located in a town called China.  For some reason I was feeling really nauseated--a problem I've had for the last two weeks--so I ordered a caesar salad.  Though the chicken was marketed as "grilled" it was actually "boiled, kept in the fridge for 3 days and then microwaved" so suffice it to say, worst salad ever.

Back at their house, we caught up on a few episodes of "Dexter," got back massages from my sister-in-law (who took a class on the subject a few years ago), drank margaritas and cocoa cabanas, laughed a lot about their giant, evil cats and the cats' propensity for spooning each other, and ate our weight in snacks.  But I didn't have dinner so snacks are a totally acceptable replacement.

It was pretty exciting to say goodbye to 2011 and hello to 2012, since 2012 will definitely be a year of changes for us.  We counted down like all people do and I got 3 or 4 New Year's kisses from my favorite person in the entire world.

Below is the first picture I took in the New Year, one of me and my sister-in-law, Jessi:

On big milestone holidays like this, I'm always reminded of how lucky I am to have my Robbie safe and alive with me at home and not in some far-off land getting bullets hurled at him on a daily basis.  

This morning we got up bright and early to head home and enjoy the all-day Syfy Twilight Zone marathon, which is where I'll be most likely for the rest of the night.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday this year, and I send you all my best wishes for 2012.

Also, I succumbed to blog peer pressure and bought "The Hunger Games." I finished the first book in a total of about 3 hours and obviously had to buy the second.  I was quite dubious--as I'm not usually a fan of YA fiction--but I found the first book very enjoyable and had a hard time putting it down.